Critics' Corner reviews 676 Lil B tracks

What would happen if you crossed Lil Wayne and Infinite Jest?

Feb. 23, 2011 6:30 pm

Lil B — “Free Music: The Myspace Collection”

Score: 10.0.

Since this is a track-by-track review, it is best consumed in accordance with the album, which can be found via a quick Google search.

Also, we reviewed the new Radiohead album track by track and then hid those reviews in the body of the Lil B review. Can you find them?

Tracks 1 – 99
Tracks 100-199
Tracks 200-299
Tracks 300 – 399
Tracks 400 – 499
Tracks 500 – 599
Tracks 600 – 676

So gather round, boys and girls, for we are here to spin you a tale of misery and woe. And #swag.

Remember The Pack? That Berkley, California-based rap group who had a hit song about wearing Vans shoes? If you’re drawing a blank, don’t feel bad, because they basically dropped off the face of the earth circa 2008. One of their members, however, was a fellow by the name of Lil B, who refused to merely run with The Pack, so to speak, releasing internet mixtapes at a dizzying pace, as well as posting songs on his 300+ MySpace pages.

On said MySpace pages, Lil Boss released countless “Based Freestyles,” aka raps delivered straight off the top of his head. His two favorite topics to rap about are positivity and strippers.

Some brave, noble soul compiled the 676 tracks into one mighty mixtape entitled “Free Music” that Lil Brandon quickly endorsed as if the whole thing had been his idea the entire time.

We here at Critics Corner took it upon ourselves to be the first people on THE ENTIRE INTERNET to review “Free Music.” We, along with special guest critics Thomas Pearce and Chris Clayman, hunkered down on a Friday night and set about reviewing the whole beast.

I think Nolan cried at one point.

The writer Malcolm Gladwell is a big fan of the “10,000 Hours Theory,” which states that genius is not inherent, but it is developed through ten thousand hours of perfecting your craft. He points to The Beatles as an example – The Beatles spent a year or so in Hamburg, Germany, playing marathon shows at Bier Halls. When they came back to England, they had magically transformed from four dudes from Liverpool into The Beatles.

Well maybe, just maybe, the point of Lil B recording all of these songs isn’t strippers or the ocean or trying to find excuses to yell “100,000,” but something more. What if Lil B is, through the creation of things like “Free Music,” trying to knock out his ten thousand hours?

B is improving. His recent tracks such as “My Baby” or “Slangin Yayo” show him progressing into a rapper with something to say and a unique way of saying it, with a forward-thinking ear for beats more nuanced than almost any rapper out there. Lil B is legitimately doing things no other musician is doing, and things like Free Music helped him get there.

So maybe it worked. Maybe this mixtape represents Lil B’s metaphorical year in Hamburg. Look at this release as one young man’s blossoming into lotus flower of adequacy. Also, listen to this mixtape to be impressed by its sheer existence. Never before has someone ever put out a 676 track, two-and-a-half day long release – this is basically hip-hop’s Infinite Jest. In all of its messy, profane squalor, Lil B has created something beautiful.

676 tracks.

676 track reviews.

Note: Parental discretion is advised.

1. “Profile Slow”: Come one, come all, to the longest show on Earth. Starts with a fat beat, but then a needlessly double-tracked Lil B repeats basically every line twice. Scratch that, four times. Without being misleading in the least, it’s very promising.

2. “S—t Yea”: Beginning with an out-of-nowhere video game intro (later coupled with conga percussion), this is the first hint that maybe these songs weren’t met to be listened to together. Move over, Barry Manilow, Lil B doesn’t even need to stay on the beat to make mood music.

3. “Answers To Your Questions”: Smooth funk, meet hilariously over-done vocal echoes. A chorus of spaced-out Lil Bs proceed to talk over the entire song, predictably raising more questions without answering any. “I love being me/I love being an entertainer/It’s amazing/It’s Crazy/So amazing/My name’s Lil B.”

4. “I’m Okay – Stay Based”: Good news, Lil B is okay. And his pack burns like weed burns. A staccato flow builds into something more complex, and the Lex Luger-style effects make it a capital-lil-B Banger.

5. “It’s Money Down South: Part 1”: This is the first time Lil B rhymes Lexus and Texas. He also says Lil B stands for Lil Boss. Could it be true?

6.“Just Believe”: The first motivational Lil B track of many. Those only familiar with his party side will be surprised by how earnest and somber he sounds. Maybe even…sober. A good reminder that, no matter how Based you are, life is hard. It’s okay to cry from time to time if you need to. This is also the first time he says “trill.”

7. “Up Next”: A Steve Reich-style composition in which the echoes of Lil B’s voice layer at different tempos, eventually forming a round.

8. “I’m Busy (Phone Call): Part 1”: Skits! The phone call is with a girl he doesn’t have time for, and he hangs up reluctantly because staying Based is tough and he has to get his mind together. The song begins in earnest with “I’m insane/With no brain” and a generic female vocal sample, mixed with phone-style dialogue, round out the chorus of a rare, fully developed track.

9. “CandyLand Colors”: This track might be the one referenced the most, so pay attention. Like a kid in a candy shop, Lil B is left speechless by the plethora of beautiful women constantly around him. This track is a sleeper: on first listen it sounds like a throwaway, but a revisit proves otherwise. He can’t stay on a single topic for more than two lines, but it’s done this way to convey his exuberance. Merry Christmas to you, too, Lil B.

10.“See Me in 3D: Pt. 1”: The thing where rappers find rock samples and integrate them into the song. Introduction to what might be the biggest theme on the tape: the internet as a substitute for reality. Here the juxtaposition comes from alternating between saying “She sees me in 3D” and “MP3” over smooth jamz.

11. “Ass On Deck”: Interesting placement, almost hinting like this strip club ode to joy, where B brags about the rappers who taught him game, might be a virtual dream. Thematic continuity from CandyLand Colors: ‘golden ticket.’

12. “Swerve (Remix)”: Oceanic harp (?!!?) strumming builds into a serious love jam, featuring the best production so far. Lil B’s voice sounds soothing in the background, and it’s a good sound!

13.“This The Biggest D—k”: OKAY NOW IT’S HEATING UP. The backing vocals might seriously be from Dirty Projectors, and are definitely in that dogs-can-only-hear this range. And then an Akon clone is rapping about exactly what you expect, and Lil B doesn’t even show up until the two-minute mark. Posse cut. Oh, and the bridge is the word “balls” spliced up over and over.

14. “I’m Bout B—ches”: This is Lil B talking about how he’s the candy man and what that means from a player standpoint. Thematic continuity: candy land, young boss, “putting her face down.” I’m starting to wonder if these tracks were seriously ordered with a purpose. The verses are standard, but he gets so excited for the chorus that you can’t help but get into it.

15. “That’s Right”: Again, these tracks were not meant to be part of a compilation. As a result, maybe the most interesting part is the introductions, like when Lil B wishes us a happy new year. Welcome to the Based world, where Berkeley is the South and time is non-linear. The chopped-up smooth guitar sample makes for an up-lifting track, and the same hype in the background (swag-free, I might add) mixes two shallow mediums into the most listenable track so far.

16. “I’m Bout My Dollas”: Longest track so far (and until track 69) and also the first track deserving of Best New $wagger. Everything about the beat screams Dr. Dre, and the overly vulgar, slowly delivered lyrics complete the homage. It’s a perfect fit, and a few Based features in the background hint at something good. No, with smooth rhyming and that funk bass, this is something great. This track is dedicated to Oakland, and if I lived in Berkeley I’d be hella jealous.

17. “U C Godss”: And now he’s making up words as somebody mumbles in the background behind overdone synths. It’s a story of thug life and hardships, but the digital altercations are more telling than any dramatically sparse production can be. But nothing’s wrong with a little Based role-play.

18. “Work B—ch, Work Fresh (Remix)”: Lil B is all about some affirmation. Whether of the motivational kind, hood kind, or good-old self-affirming swagger, Lil B is a positivist through and through. Every song so far has had an over-dubbed chorus of “yessss” or “yeah-uh” rounding out the track. Yessss. You almost forget this is already like the third track about a stripper.

19.“We Are The World: Part 1”: CALLED IT! “My people we could change the world/It takes a brave one to stand up/Live positive/Turn That Frown Upside Down/Love Means Life/It’s Our Town.” Lil B did this song because we’re all family, and it’s the joyous sounds of someone arising from a weeklong marijuana daze and realizing how great it is to be alive. Also, it’s exactly four minutes and twenty seconds long.

20. “Lil Wayne”: New theme: rapping over other people’s songs. This is going to happen a lot, and what better way than starting with Weezy’s “A Milli.” It also makes you go back and reevaluate Lil Wayne because, when given this beat, Lil B is on fire. And then halfway through the second verse he falls off the beat, shattering the illusion as a way of differentiating between virtual fantasies and reality. Brilliant, and totally what he was going for. Best New $wagger.

21. “Thank God I’m Based”: For a song title so essential to Lil B’s philosophy, this song does not live up to its potential. Really, it’s a video game beat and cheap drum loops, and probably cost Lil B like forty cents to make. Good thing he’s Based.

22. “Bangkadang”: Few things are better than an unauthorized hip-hop remix of Coldplay’s beloved hit single “Clocks.” One of them is a rapper giving a web address over Coldplay’s hit single “Clocks.” But when the rapping begins, the drums stay out, creating an unorthodox freestyle effect that almost masks the fact that he’s talking about strippers and blowjobs again. Also, the URL www.bangkadang.com has expired and ReeseNews is accepting donations to buy it.

23. “I Want That Now”: “I’m rolling 85/ I should be going 75/ but I be going so fast/ I should never drive.” As these lyrics make clear, this song is about Lil B’s fame, desire for riches and recognition. Fascinatingly, it’s equal parts declaration of how famous he is and fantasy of how famous he wishes he were. Thematic significance: multiple personality disorder, loneliness.

24. “I Love Her Mind: Part 1”: Before listening to this track, I placed a wager with myself as to whether this would be a “deep” song or a euphemism for “head.” Ask yourself this question before you keep reading and see how well you know the Based Overlord. If you guessed “deep,” subtract five points from your total score. If you guessed “head,” give yourself one point. But if you guessed “neither, he just raps about himself materialistically, not at all talking about his mind,” up your score to the next level of Based.

25. “God Bless America”: STAY POSITIVE. So in a song called “God Bless America,” which features a smooth piano sample and nothing American, Lil B declares himself the Son of Sam. Twice. The second time over a saxophone solo and the same white-America-mocking held-note singing style that he normally reserves for talking about blowjobs.

26. “Twerk Team”: Firmly back into Based territory, Lil B sounds far more comfortable commanding strippers. For only the second time so far, the beat is actually filthy. Even a Based squirrel finds a nut, and Lil B has what might actually be a party jam with a beat similar to Ciara’s “1, 2 Step.” Not much rapping here, although he finds a lot of adjectives synonymous with “gyrate.”

27. “Read Between The Lines ‘89” – It’s here I would like to note that since the reviewing began earlier today, Lil B has released a new tape. He is writing music faster than it can be reviewed, and the talk-sung sour nothings on this 80s homage might help explain why.

28. “The Sex Song”: Lil B begins this song by telling us sex is serious, condoms are important, and that we should care about the people we have sex with. Sometimes it could end up even leading to death, “but now, we gonna get to some other s—t.” The bass is funky, the vocals are hypnotic, and the world now knows what it would sound like to have sex on cough syrup. MORE IMPORTANTLY, this is both the first time Lil B says “swag” and the first time he thanks his parents. Both of these happen within ten seconds of each other.

29. “Dragon Ball”: Best New $wagger. In a prime example of what he later calls “Based Free Style,” Lil B free-associates everything from Yao Ming (who is kinda Japanese in that he is from China) to bungee jumping (which is kinda like being high) with no interludes, only to ramble about being better than Freeza and Goku. Yessss.

30. “I Still Go Dumb”: Yep.

31. “Working For The Light”: I could totally see turning this song on at random, not knowing what it was, and thinking that maybe there was a live band. Or at least a live drummer. Considering at least 20% of these tracks are ganked from video game soundtracks, this is a big deal. But then he falls so far off the beat that the drums follow, too. It’s a mess, which is important because he’s talking about his swagger right after making it clear he is in need of money. Words can lie, but rhythm cannot. Also, he blesses hurricane Katrina survivors out of nowhere.

32. “Thank You All, I Love You”: That synth. I’ve heard it before. WAIT IT’S “YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT” by The Rolling Stones. And it’s a song called “Thank You All, I Love You.” Again, he raps without a drum beat until he says “it’s the summertime I love y’all” (thematic continuity: temporal discontinuity) and goes off on that tangent. Obviously, Best New $wagger.

33. “Cheat”: Lil B tells us that if once in a lifetime we want to cheat on a spouse, it’s okay. Thematic continuity: things that aren’t true.

34. “My Boy”: It takes a gifted rapper to tackle the female counterpoint in hip-hop, explaining sex symbolism without objectifying the woman who is now the subject. Lil B is not this rapper. Thematic continuity: internet dreams. There are also different levels of production on this track, which is a first.

35. “3 Stacks”: This song begins with something you would hear at a Chinese restaurant. “Just save your heart/That’s from the heart.” In a deep Based moment, Lil B explains how he got disillusioned with education and now regrets it. I think he’s used this saxophone sample before.

36. “Buzzin’ (Remix)”: This song is proof that Shawyze, at one point in time, existed. Also, it sounds like Lil B held a mic to his computer speaker to record the Shwayze sample, thanked Shwayze, and called it a remix. If this isn’t Based, I don’t know what is. If this is Based, I still don’t know what is.

37. “Based in Japan”: I would like to say “thematic continuity: double entendre” because he could be based out of the country Japan, or he could be Based while in Japan. Unfortunately, this is the first documented case of wordplay so far. Also, it’s political, like when he declares he’s anti-war, then says he wants to be the president. This has nothing to do with Japan until he says it does.

38. “Riverdance”: To answer your question, yes. Yes it does. Now the surprising part is the Riverdance sample is really good, gets going with a good clap-track, and could provide a great background to rap. But Lil B just talks about game, playing off of how it both sounds like “gay” and “propane.” Then it gets hot.

39. “Undercover ScubaDiver”: One of the first tracks to get the introduction of “Based freestyle,” it actually has a fair amount of rapping. Like, three lines before he goes back to talking. But as far as role-playing goes, might as well go Based or go home. Once off on the scuba tangent, he keeps talking about pearls and seas, and eventually you convince yourself the track has an oceanic feel to it.

40. “Berkeley Boy”: This song will make you glad you didn’t grow up in Berkeley. Also, he censors the words “b—ch” and “ho” but not the f-bomb. There’s something symbolic in that, but if you think it’s an anti-sexist stance, you obviously are not Based.

41. “Purple Weed”: Okay so first of all it IS Prince’s “Purple Rain.” Second of all, Lil B says he can’t sing that good, then sings over it. Third of all, he edited the sample so Prince says “weed” instead of “rain.” And he really, really can’t sing.

42. “The Based Prayer: Part 1”: It sounds like the Based Overlord comes from outer space. And is a preacher, but with a very dark organ. It’s not really a prayer, though, but more like Lil B saying he will never give up, but you might see him floating. Thematic continuity: egomania.

43. “Do It Again”: One of those trancey, videogamey songs that is only important because of Lil B’s amazing choice of words to dub over the track (“she said do it again so I’mma do it again,” “Based Overlord”).

44. “I’m Based Overlord”: Putting the trill in tril(l)ogy, this one goes back to the Dre influence, actually sampling Dr. Dre’s samples. And talking about dogs. “I got tatted on my throat/I went that far/And my moms love it/She said B you gotta keep it real so.” I wonder if he has more than one mom. #Based

45. “I’m Jim Carrey”: He declares himself Jim Carrey, George Clooney, Ashton Kutcher and Brad Pitt all in the first verse. Thematic continuity: things that are not true. The idea is that his life is like a movie because it is so surreal, but then talks about how real he is because he makes his own shoes. Also all of a sudden being tattooed on his neck has become an integral theme.

46. “My Zone Twilight (Skit)”: He says he already has over 500 tracks, and I can’t think of a more appropriate background track. Scary stuff. #paranormalbased

47. “Hustle In Da Scraper”: This is supposed to be Lil B’s take on religion, but it’s really not. An organ does not spirituality make. But he does say no doubt, and then tie it in to Gwen Stefani in what is, by default, the best free-association he’s made.

48. “When My Boyz Ridin’”: The blown-out speaker feel to this production is pretty interesting. But my standards are pretty low by this point, and he is droning about nothing. If you like this, check out The Goslings.

49. “A Zilli”: This song has nothing to do with Lil Wayne except that Lil B wants more than a milli. A lot more. He also says that being fresh and clean is like a magazine, changes up the rhyme scheme, and I can rap too and be a meme. And then, right when the flow heats up, he says he’s looking for a lesbian, proving that he does not “Get” “It.”

50. “Purple or Blue”: Bad news, y’all, it’s a Based freestyle on deck. And it’s about colors (thematic discontinuity: CandyShop Colors). But I mean it’s “about” colors just like other songs are “about” being positive. He names a bunch of colors then drifts away from the point. As per usual, it’s very listenable and has very little rapping. Correlation does not imply causation, but it does in Based statistics.

51. “Clean Down”: I don’t think I’ve talked about the music in like twenty tracks. Here the beat is pretty raw, and the video game themes are used as auxiliary additions rather than a crutch. Using his patented whiny voice, he talks about how he’s “sexy” and “freestyle.” I would talk more, but the next track just started and it’s sampling Soulja Boy.

52. “700”: HE SAYS SWAG!!! Honestly, I thought this would happen a lot more. Thematic continuity: saying ‘scraper’ just because he ran out of words to rhyme with ‘paper,’ and saying his real name is Brandon, numbers.

53. “Today’s Weather Forecast”: Hot Releases-style electronics give way into Hot Releases-style 80s smooth funk as Lil B talks about the weather. Punning off of weather he says it determines whether or not he wears a sweater, turning warm into flame, spinning a web that would make Charlotte jealous. Or just mad.

54. “Street Knowledge (Based College)”: THIS IS GENUINELY AN AWESOME NAME FOR A SONG. But his based college is the Bay Area, and we’ve already been over how Lil B makes this place sound the worst just because it’s so boring and repetitive and they only know like five words. Nothing happens over this track, but a (thematic continuity: ) schizophrenic Lil B gets mad at the non-existent audience for being silent, proving how much Bay(sed) Area must not be fun. What does this even mean? What does life even mean?

55. “Have A Good Day”: I wonder what he would be like if he didn’t smoke so much weed that he thought it would be a good idea to release all these songs. Instead, we get a track about how relaxed Brandon is, and about how all his non-Brandon names are in honor of his being honored. Here’s to a life without stress.

56. “Feral”: Sounds like Flying Lotus more than anything else. Bumbly sounds evaporating into wailing. Divine.

57. “My World”: Uncharacteristically cluttered, we got gun shots, Lex Luger re-ups, and a few other things I already forgot about as we hear “I’mma do me” a lot in the background. “Ya feel me/No homo/Whips out the ass,” followed by a Gucci Mane sample. Let me out of this world. This is not a good world. I do not like it here. Tags: calls self a thousandaire, says swag, says swag and ‘dad’ in same sentence.

58. “Make Dat S—t Slap”: The beat is moving, but the combination of this particular beat and lyrics so focused on getting girls to dance makes a definitively non-danceable cut. “You can’t say my face/But you can look/at/me,” has something to do with it.

59. “Real Horny”: Thematic continuity: what makes reality real? Can we know given the confines of our language? Is Based language an improvement over regular language? Regardless, this track is just about morningwood. Tags: says “scraper” and does NOT rhyme it with “paper” (instead rhymes it with “sack”).

60. “BasedLord”: Posse cut, but by posse I mean Lil B’s alter egos are rapping here. Getting very deep into Based mythology, he says swag. Declares self the most Based alive man on Earth. Lyrics: “When I look in the sky I see/Thirty thousand unicorns flying at me (unicorns)/And then I float into the ocean (ocean)/Fell in, I drunk the potion.”

61. “Keep On Rocking”: Club track with a twist: Lil B says “Lil B Lil B love big d—k” and I don’t think I am mishearing him. Naturally, this is a really catchy song. Best New $wagger.

62. “F—k Dem Bitches” – This is the one where he says “I never eat her p—sy I’d rather go to hell b—ch,” and I realize I can no longer ignore how anti-cunnilingus he has been since the third track. See: “Keep On Rocking.” Thematic continuity: the plot thickens, don’t ask don’t tell.

63. “Money On My Mind”: It’s the tone of his voice when he isn’t being serious that is the most fascinating of all Based mythology. It seems as if he is baiting the listener to hate him, but also so desperate for attention. What parts are and aren’t serious is never clear. Right when you think he’s going for a hip-hop song, he falls off the beat or talks about Based mythology. Or, here, both.

64. “Young B—ch”: Word on the street is this song inspired Vladimir Nabokov’s famous movie-turned-book Lolita. A totally new flow for Lil B, which I honestly was not expecting after track four. He plays off the backing vocal track to create a complex pattern. Unfortunately, all the backing vocal says is “young b—ch.”

65. “I’m Happy (Remix)”: Does a sentiment this simple need a remix? Duh! The song where Lil B says he is “high, high off weed and I come from outer space.” This is clearly incongruous where he calls himself the most Based man on Earth from a few tracks ago. He calls himself “the mayor/and the president/and I’m Based/that’s just evident,” and it’s pretty funny, at the very least if you think he isn’t serious.

66. “Old Sku”: Yo, what is going on here? A deep cut takes a turn, and at this point I don’t care if I like it or not, I just like variation without having to press the “skip” button on my computer. The flow is a bit more aggressive, which helps Lil B stay on the beat like he’s a competent MC. And he poses quite well, talking about what he knows (weed, women, Based mythology) and plays around with the scheme a bit. Maybe this is a result of my lower standards or lifestyle choices, but I instantly declare Best New $wagger.

67. “Rap Dreams, Hoop Dreams”: Because the day this came out, Lil B challenged Kevin Durant to a game of one-on-one pick-up basketball. Thematic continuity: naming numbers for no real reason. Fun facts: the first time he compares himself to Mr. Rogers. One of the many songs where you can fast-forward a minute and feel like you haven’t moved a second.

68. “Shawty What U Duuen?”: NMJC, U? The themes are the same (I like you, girl, and I like you because you’re doing all the work and it’s all on a physical level) but it’s not aggressive and now it feels like maybe he isn’t covering up some deep-seeded sexual confusion. But the night is young.

69. “Captain Miami”: So this is the first exposure to super-nerdy Lil B voice. A corny theme song takes us to Miami, and Lil B comes in as Based as ever, whining about who he’s not (him) and using the idea that “my” sounds like the “mi” in Miami way more than anybody should.

70. “Trapped In BaseWorld”: Three pieces of good news. This is track 69. This is the longest track so far. It’s about being trapped in the 1980s. It begins with Lil B offering the listener Kool Aid, ice and tea, then saying he doesn’t care. This is the first time he mentions Bathing Apes, but not the first time he says contradictory statements like “I don’t even sleep when I sleep.” Now he’s half-singing non-sequiturs and then humming the sounds back, and he says “bro” a lot as well as “ohmygod.” Thematic continuity: saying numbers without context (and no, I know what you’re thinking, but they don’t start with the number ‘8’). He starts talking about chicken coops, then refuses to go into one. Homeboy has multiple personality disorder. What do we do?

71. “Based In New York”: What’s fascinating about this exploration is we don’t know if he’s actually in New York or not, and have no way of knowing. We can believe him unconditionally, but this leads us towards many contradictory ends. The point is it doesn’t matter if he is or isn’t, because at this point in technology, all it takes is a shared perception of New York and we have to take it at Based value. The beat is simple, a lifeless female vocal sample says “flash/lights” a lot, and Lil B talks about weed and oral sex. I’m sold.

72. “Game’s On Us Bra”: So the game has to change. The rap game, that is. Lil B has taken the task upon his Based shoulders, but despite promising to lay out his plan, he doesn’t. He says he’s educated, though, and I vaguely remember him talking about giving up on school. Maybe this is street knowledge (Based college). He does nominate himself for President at the end, though. Does that count as whatever he said he was going to do?

73. “Codex” — Again with the corny sparse piano, Brandon uses a rather impressive upper register over a sparse soundscape meant to rip off adult contemporary. An interesting idea, but the poor mixing of the backing drum fails to go anywhere. Subject matter is particularly un-Based.L

74. “I’m Based”: HEAD-BANGER, and plus he is actually rapping. Which is a real relief because A) this is track 72 and it is 3:12 in the morning and B) this is a song about the one thing he talks about more than anything, and if he can’t string together a verse on it, he is not Miley Cyrus. Woop woop. This is the perfect combination of weird, raw and catchy. Basedically, Best New $wagger and a hint that he could be talented if he dedicated as much time to everything as he does to this word. But what does it mean to be Based? He’s not that good, come on now.

75. “Let Me Live (Tribute To Peace)”: His tribute to peace is only 71 seconds long, and includes the phrase “Let me live, b—ch.” Important because he declares this song a Based freestyle after the fact.

76. “Da Hottest Based Boy”: BUT NOT TWICE IN A ROW. He quickly declares the freestyle, then declares himself on fire, flyer, and higher, and a sire. But there’s a newfound intensity that is making this pretty enjoyable, even though he’s talking about nothing. Thematic continuity: declares self German, American, Japanese and Chinese without context.

77. “I Wanna Be Bill Gates”: When Lil B stole this sample, Arcade Fire was not a Grammy-award winning band. But by virtue of stealing this sample, they basically were. What’s noteworthy here is he used the whole song, even drums. It helps, allows him to go fast, but he didn’t erase Lose Butler’s vocals. Since The Arcade Fire clashes with everything already, Lil B’s nerd wheeze is no exception. Luckily, Lil Boss keeps it safe, rapping about money, cars and bros. Best line: wanting to rock-on like Avril Lavigne. Second best line: talking about blowjobs the next time he opens his mouth. Third best line: running out of material with two minutes to go in the Arcade Fire song, not cutting the song, talking about Berkeley for two minutes, and mispronouncing “MySplace” in the process.

78. “Beach Boy Brandon”: No way. For two uninterrupted minutes, he does a Beach Boy round. It’s…pretty good. Much better than “Purple Weed,” and goes back to my theory that the best songs involve Lil B not rapping.

79. “Big Dreams (Remix)”: “I told these hoes I’m celibate/It’s obvious I multiply/Put my d—k up in the sky/Put my brain up in the clouds,” and that’s all I got.

80. “Trapped With Questions – No Answers”: This track is unremarkable, until he just goes nuts. Okay here he actually gives some answers, ready? “Life’s on paper/And life’s a test/And life is air/And air is breath/And breath is sight/And sight is steps/And steps is me/And I’m the best, b—ch” and he declares he will freestyle everything now. Based freestyle, straight from the space station.

81. “BasedGod: Part 1”: Didn’t this song already happen? Well here he pretends to be white nerds listening to Lil B, and then the sample comes in. I had to go through a bunch of Snoop and Dre songs to figure out where this sample came from because I’m tired, but then I got depressed that I’m listening to this. But the way he throws BasedGod over said mystery sample is kinda catchy. But he didn’t write it, furthering the internet copycat vibe. Of note: says swag.

82. “Thank You Support: Part 1”: Organs!! Feels the need to spell his name letter by letter!! Dedicates the song to the people!! Obviously, he actually raps and does a good job. The old-feeling smooth jazz that dominated some of the album’s worst cuts here takes its proper place (sample role under a jazzy beat) and his anti-hating rap goes somewhere, making a positive statement I can get with. Of note: mentions “Fly Like An Eagle.” SO, like, not only is this Best New $wagger but it’s a complete song. Maybe one of five so far. But then he talks about realness for a long while and says non-reals don’t like him, which is thematically discontinuous with how virtual his persona is.

83. “The Letter, The Prayer: Part 1”: Old-school Based style. If you’ve been reading all of this, you probably know what this means, so I’ll answer your questions. The sample that he takes the beat away from is “In The End” by Linkin Park, and the “deep” subject matter is AIDS and Hurricaine Katrina (“Maiiin I hate the hurricaines/Man I hate the earthquakes/When the earth shakes it makes me mad/Pray for homeless/And the homeless everyone that’s lonely/I pray for you/Hope is coming soon.”). There’s one part where the piano almost drops, he asks everyone to put their lighters in the air (what?) and if the beat came in, it could be awesome. Doesn’t happen, continues talking about armed forces and natural disasters as if they’re the same thing, and serious-voice and joke-voice go over each other. Polyphonic nightmare. WAIT OH MY GOD at the end he says “I’ll pray for you, maybe even Jews.” What? Maybe he said “two” he doesn’t speak well.

84. “Lions, Tigers and Bears”: You know this one is going to be good. Best New $wagger on the title alone, and now I’m going to listen to it. He rhymes “invincible” with “pencil” only he ends them both with the syllable “-al.” The beat is funky but so murky that it’s disorienting, and he is so high that he can’t speak a full sentence without his mouth drying up.

85. “It’s Alright”: 80s smooth jams, could this be Lil B’s adult contemporary crossover hit? No, because he sings. And it’s about going to the grass, and to the sea. I love how Based symbolism amounts to saying words and forcing the listener to make free-associations. Might make more sense if we remember that Lil B is meant to be an alien. Thematic continuity: reciting numbers, spelling his own name.

86. “I’m A Rockstar”: His idea of what it means to be a rock star is to have sex, smoke weed and say random words about his genitalia (“get my d—k licked in a photo,” “scrape”). Thematic continuity: things that aren’t quite true.

87. “George Clooney”: White-boy approved corny sample as he raps about being Based God. Wait, the sample is totally “Tequila” which would make sense because George Clooney was in Ocean’s 11…and wore sweaters? Of note: he actually raps in a way that respects the sample, and who’d have thunk it but it sounds pretty cool.

88. “We Jammin’”: Oh, since he likes weed he’s now automatically Jamaican, right? Surprised it took this long to get calypso melodies, a fake accent, and oh wait he doesn’t know what Jamaica is like (“I’m looking for the…pom pom. The ladies with the pom pom”). And then that becomes the theme of his fake-accent-sung song. By theme I mean the only line is “When we get the ladies, tell them to bring the pom pom” for the entire first verse.

89.“I’m Online”: The truest song title so far. Don’t listen to it, it’s just awful though. Wait, listen to it, with a smooth guitar solo, no subject matter, and annoying annunciation, it’s the perfect summation of this album so far. And he says trill a lot at the end.

90. “Smoking Blunts And Getting High”: Remember when I said it took way too long before he used a fake Jamaican accent? Second time in three songs, baby. Thematic continuity: temporal discontinuity (it’s Summer time). I’m starting to notice that his talking voice and rap voice are identical, as are his dictions and flows. He starts listing off numbers about halfway through.

91. “I’m In A Video Game”: He talks about wanting to be the alien (and his level) and I’m wondering if there are different levels of Lil B, some of who believe what he is saying and others are aware of the wishful thinking. Says “get me out of this Based world.” Thematic continuity: multiple personality disorder. At one point the bass line takes a turn for the Mario and it’s awesome.

92. “10,000,000”: I could see listening to this song and having a seizure. The production is so scattered and awful that it tricks you into thinking he’s on the beat. He also “one hundred thousand” a lot, which is not the name of this song. Things mellow down into really base, not Based, club music. I want to cry.

93. “I Ain’t Playin’”: Spells his own name, sounds kinda scary and intense, could be promising. But the flow is lazy, overly self-affirmative, and only about weed and money. And naming Japanese words that rhyme.

94.“Twilight Catch”: Has nothing to do with Twilight, has more to do with being a “catch” so he says he’s going to throw a ball at ‘her.’ Names a bunch of numbers to the point that it constitutes the entire second ‘verse.’

95. “I Kissed A Girl”: Oh yeah, it is. This is honestly one of the most infectious songs on here, and I mean that in the worst possible way. His wheezy voice keeps saying “I Kissed A Girl,” “yeaaauhhh,” and “Girrrurrll,” and it’s so awful. I wonder if he understands why it was important that a female sang this song. He says a bunch of numbers, and gets off more on the idea that she knew his music than that she was attractive.

96. “Créu”: Oh, good, it’s a song for his Latin women. And Hispanic. And Dominican. I recommend this one so you can hear what he thinks sounds “Latin.” Because it’s just synth in a different key and a different flow. At least he talks about hips, which I guess is appropriate, but then again, “OH MY GOD, CREAM PIE” is a serious lyric, so who knows.

97. “Cookies and Planes”: What does this even mean? Forgot that question when he kept saying “we pure like dirt.” Smooth jazz again. I have written almost 6000 words so far and am wondering if I have written this much in one sitting ever in my life before.

98. “Till The Day That I Die”: Same kinda-Dre beats that are kinda cool but getting old because they are literally the only thing that sounds good for him. And he says trill, quite a lot. And how he has to keep it real. And how you must wear your own, personal sweater (and get it back when it’s done). I don’t even know.

99. “I’m Just Pretty”: So the sample is “Billie Jean” and it is the soundtrack as Lil B has a gender crisis, declare himself a “pretty b—ch” who has the ladies going crazy. Whatever, I’m going to download the new Waka Flocka Flame mixtape.

100.“In Dis Sun B—ch””: This beat sounds like it was sampled from the theme from The Exorcist, all shrill piano layered over throbbing bass. Lil B’s verses echo nicely and It sounds sinister but also a little bit dumb. I’m not sure what it’s about, besides looking cool.

101. “Can I Bust Tonight”: Oh my god. Lil B is singing. He is singing “Can I get some tonight” and “can I bust tonight” over the tune of “Can You Feel The Love Tonight.” From the Lion King. There’s no rapping. He’s singing. Oh my god. This is only the second song of my section of Lil B songs. I’m stunned. I love him. I’m in love with him.

102.“Pure Game: Part 1”: “Can I Bust Tonight” segues nicely into this. It has a lovely romantic horn in the background going—I think it’s a sample, but I can’t place it. He raps smoothly about smoking weed. I’m liking the theme of these ballads.

103. “Mario Dat B—ch”: This is the third song (out of four) that has opened with “Based freestyle in this b—ch I don’t think Lil B actually writes anything. But this song is an upbeat shift from the past two ballads. The sample is sound effects from the Mario Bros games (specifically the jump noise, the coin noise, and the growing big size). The Mario jumping sample is layered over the bass—it’s hypnotic. I don’t know exactly how to “Mario that b—ch” but—but I want to know.

104. “8 Long”: Another slow beat, with a slow-moving synth in the background. I think his slower beats are stronger than his dance beats (see Mario Dat B—ch) The beat coupled with the echo on his vocals slows it down further; it sounds like being stoned.

105. “Reggie For 3”: This one’s a classic “club hit.” The bass is pounding and threatens to overthrow the rest of the beat, the only other part of which that stands out is a high-pitched looping series of synth notes while Lil B repeats “Reggie For 3.” Were this mixtape to have singles, this song would definitely be in the running, simply because the repetitiveness of the chorus coupled with heavy bass would guarantee asses on the dance floor. Best New $wagger

106. “Dat Clappa”: Mmm, it’s refreshing to hear a beat I know and love. Here Lil B freestyles over “3 Peat” by Lil Wayne and it’s not nearly as good. Because you know how good the original is, Lil B’s rhymes just fade into the background as you imagine Lil Wayne rapping instead.

107. “Give Up The Ghost” — Thematic continuity: picking up where “Codex” left off, only this time with an acoustic guitar that I swear sounds organic. This one builds until Brandon coos about swag a cappella, echoing “Beach Boy Brandon.” Really boring.

108. “Gotta Find Dat Winner”: Another beat I like: “So Sick” by Ne-Yo. Like “So Sick,” here Lil B pines for love—he wants his “winner.” The beat doesn’t overshadow him this time, it actually adds a pleasant snare and unique synth line (during which Lil B stops rapping entirely so you can properly appreciate it).

109. “Hyphy”: I almost want to believe Lil B is trying here! In the first verse, his flow is more aggressive than it usually is, but that quickly ends, and returns it its lethargic molasses flow, which is a strange contradiction to the snappy female vocal hook.

110. “Hot Girl (Remix)”: This sounds like three beats haphazardly smashed together. Synth and bass come in and out as they please. Mostly it’s Lil B yelling over his own vocals (I think?). That qualifies as a remix, I guess. I’ve never heard the original. (Relevant quote: “Haters y’all can suck my damn.)

111. “I Need A Based B—ch”: Okay, this is what Lil B sound sounds like. It’s silly. It has a bubbly synth and a fun horn section. I think his verses are just nonsense, but it has a pacing that’s funny and strange and random sound effects come in an out (did I just hear a cell phone?). When he yells “I need a based ass b—ch” at the same time as the horns in the beat go, I have to smile.

112. “I Need The Bab-ay”: Thanks, Lil B, for spelling this phonetically. I think “bab-ay” is a euphemism for drugs. This beat is super 80s. Also, Lil Bi is pretty needy.

113. “Max Payne”: He’s rapping over the Max Payne theme music – that’s cool. It’s sinister, threatening music. Lil B ruins it a little bit by saying “Max Payne. The video game. That s—t is crazy.” I’m finding myself focusing on the Max Payne theme instead of Lil B’s flow.

114. “I’m Still Here”: This is an intermission. Lil B wants to you to know he’s not stopping. Those are the lyrics to this song. The mixtape is nowhere near over.

115. “The Based Promise: Part 1”: Another piano sample I can’t identify. I’m really beginning to like the pretty piano-heavy beats coupled with Lil B’s messy flow. Oh, and the “based promise” is that he’s gonna be based forever.

116. “Who’s Hotter Than B?”: Another “club hit,” but not nearly as good as Reggie For 3. And no, Lil B, I don’t know anyone hotter than you.

117. “From Square One”: “Feeling like Celine Dion. No homo.” Lil B contemplatively lists his dreams”: “I want to be on top. Educated. Non stop” It’s almost poignant. The more I hear the “ballads” on this mixtape the more I believe that Lil B creates obsessively to fill some void in his soul. “Where do I go from here?” he says. Perhaps he needs to fill his time as much as he needs to rap, hence the weird mix of terrible and awesome tracks on this mixtape. He doesn’t care if it’s hit or miss.

118. “Based For Life”: Lil B, you better be based for life. You already promised that you’d be based forever, three tracks earlier. It opens with “We are not the same, I am a cyborg,” which is a reference to “we are not the same, I am a martian,” which is a Lil Wayne lyric. Lil B needs to stop doing that, because then I just think about how bad Lil B is in comparison to Lil Wayne.

119. “Sonic World”: Sampling another video game, which me and the five other reviewers couldn’t place (much to our chagrin) but I’d assume it’s a Sonic theme due to the title. “It’s like I’m stuck in a video game,” Lil B says at the end, “and I can never get out.” Unexpected thoughtfulness at the end of such an ADD track, is this how Lil B considers his life?

120. “The Based Anthem”: God, do I respect a rapper who can sample the national anthem after a video game song. “Constructive criticism is good—but always know I’m the best.” Lil B. I want to be just like you.

121. “Live Positive”: Honestly, I thought this was going to be a song about HIV/AIDS. But it’s actually about being optimistic in your life. It’s a sweet, heartfelt message from Lil B—oh—it’s over already?

122. “What Would You Do?”: Okay, this is just as heartfelt as “Live Positive,” but in a totally different way. It’s “What would you do for a nut?” and it’s about Lil B not being able to perform adequately in bed. Lil B is laying himself bare here—how many rappers do you know that would rap about being anything less than amazing in the sack? The sexy bassline and female vocal hook is a nice touch. Lil B appears to be the king of contradictions. I’m really beginning to dig it. Best New $wagger

123. “Suck My DAMN Rockerchick”: The beat samples something I don’t know, and it’s the first instance of guitars on this album. It sounds dangerously close to the Power Rangers theme song. The lyrics are exactly what you think they will be.

124. “I See In Colors”: This song is boring.

125. “8 U Win”: He samples “Like You,” by Bow Wow featuring Ciara. This is one of those times where I ignore Lil B in favor of listening to the beat because I love that song and haven’t heard it in ages. Lil B chooses great beats ,but often, he’s not good enough to hold his own over it.

126. “Stop Callin’ My Phone”: This beat is irritating—it has a shrill cell phone in the background that chirps periodically to represent how often Lil B is called and how often he doesn’t answer.

127. “Who Am I?”: Who hasn’t asked themselves this very question? “Trying to decipher between a man and a boy,” Lil B says of himself—only to follow it up with “I know I’m Based God.” It’s like he desperately wants to be honest with his audience but at the last second, he can’t do it, and falls back on the Based God character or mentality. This mixtape seems to have moments of stark, striking honesty buried beneath the discussion of b—ches and based-ness.

128. “I’m Digital”: Another boring song. I was hoping it’d sample Daft Punk. No such luck.

129. “What Is Based?”: I wish I knew. “Once again, I don’t freestyle. I base freestyle.” What does that even mean? This song is mostly Lil B talking over a strange remix of Queen’s “We Are The Champions.” He does not once explain what “based” is.

130. “Imma Be Based For Life”: Despite that, he’s gonna be based for life, while rapping over TI’s “Whatever You Like.” The beat doesn’t swallow him like it does on the Lil Wayne samples, and his flow fits neatly over the TI beat—the chorus is the same as the original, just a bit sloppier.

131. “License To Kill”: Shockingly enough, Lil B samples the License To Kill theme. The levels are wrong and the theme is way too quiet under his vocals. Other than that, it’s amazing—the sample loops the vocals of “kill” over and over again, taking something campy and turning it into something nefarious.

132. “Hunned Racks”: Boring again! C’mon Lil B!

133. “I’m On The Grind”: He’s redeemed himself. This is a positively Eurovision beat with a spastic synth and heavy bass. It has that video game flair without being a sample from a game. Lil B sounds a little out of place over it, but it’s forgivable.

134. “Get Papeah”: I love these phonetic track titles. He uses a very fitting sample of “Get Money” by Junior M.A.F.I.A featuring the Notorious BIG, but B’s success fades in and out. In certain places, his flow picks up to something quick and sharp and he holds his own over this famous beats, but at other points he slips into his slow-moving lethargic flow and it just doesn’t work. This is one of those beats he probably shouldn’t have tried to conquer.

135. “The Boss”: THIS BEAT IS COOL and Lil B doesn’t sound great on it. It’s “Trill Recognize Trill” by Bun B featuring Ludacris. I’m getting bored.

136. “Best Dressed”: This time he’s rapping over “Stay Fly” by Three Six Mafia and again I’m thinking about how much better the original is.

137. “My Receipt”: STOP RAPPING OVER LIL WAYNE BEATS

138. “F—king With That B—ch”: This is better. Or maybe I’m just glad to not hear a Lil Wayne beat. “I’m not a thug, but I’m on some ill s—t,” Lil B says. Nice to hear him concede that point, the self-degradation is becoming some of my favorite parts. Am I getting bitter?

139. “Based Check-In”: This time he’s sampling “Yeah” by Usher, aka the ULTIMATE club anthem and the only song guaranteed to get every girl on the dance floor. Here he calls himself “Mr. Myspace” and “Mr. Internet.” He doesn’t seem to be rapping—he’s just speaking over the beat. Somehow, that makes it better. This is another one of those beats that would swallow Lil B’s flow if he tried to go with it. By being off-beat and strange he stands out. I thought I’d get mad hearing Lil B over one of my favorite songs, but somehow I’m not. I think this is one of his “intermission” tracks, but I can’t tell you why it’s over four minutes.

140. “Dun Wit It”: This is a Chamillionaire beat. Did anyone ever even listen to Chamillionaire?

141. “I’m Still In Her Mind”: I’m so bored. This sucks.

142. “BasedGod (Remix)”: Finally! Here he’s rapping over the Castlevania theme (I think?) and, God, he’s so much better when not comparing himself to other (often better) rappers by rapping over their beats. This isn’t even great but in comparison to the last string of terrible samples, it’s such a breath of fresh air.

143. “Jay-Z”: “Shout out to my boy Jay-Z,” Lil B, have you ever even met Jay-Z? He wants to be famous so bad it’s endearing.

144. “My Ovation”: No, Lil B, you don’t get one.

145. “Based Knowledge”: “I ain’t even passed high school, but I want to go back to school.” Another one of Lil B’s moments of honestly. This song has a nice, slow beat. I want to like it but I can’t. I’m so mad about the past string of bad songs.

146. “Life’s Lessons Are In You”: What is this title? This beat sounds like something that would play in the background of a Geocities fan site for Golden Girls. I don’t know what he’s talking about but I think he’s trying to encourage me to be a better person. I want to die.

147. “ASS On Deck (Remix)”: I don’t know if I can comfortably listen to this after Life’s Lessons Are In You. See “ASS On Deck.”

148. “She’s In My Dreams”: The sample here is a weird chipmunk remix of Rachael Lampa’s “If You Believe.” I think this is supposed a romantic song”: “I’m gonna write you a letter, I need a sweater, because I’m cold, because I’m cold, because I’m cold.” In which Lil B runs out of raps.

149. “Camp 22s”: Wow, this came out of the gate and punched me in the throat. This beat is seriously awesome”: reminiscent of Missy Elliot’s “Lose Control.” Chorus is catchy, beat is completely infectious and in-your-face and strangely unique. Wow. I can’t even properly absorb it because I’ve heard so many bad songs in a row. Best New $wagger

150. “Free Gucci Mane”: FREE GUCCI MANE

151. “P.A.N. (Remix)”: “I don’t like saying the n-word too much,” says Lil B, who has dropped the n-bomb at least four times (that I can remember). Oh, P.A.N. stands for P—SY ASS N–GAS. It’s a song for his haters. It has a pretty cool synth but that’s all it has going for it.

152. “My DAMN Licked, My Nuts Sucked”: Ah, what a pleasant state of being. I’m bored again.

153. “So Illy”: This is terrible. I’m losing my mind.

154. “I’m Runnin, I’m Fallin”: THIS SOUNDS LIKE EVERY OTHER SLOW SONG

155. “High All The Time”: I wish I was, especially now. Sounds exactly like the last song.

156. “The Sea”: This actually has a really nice beat. I’m enjoying listening to it. It’s slow-moving and making me sleepy, like the tides. In and out, in and out. It almost drowns out Lil B’s whiny flow. I’m focusing on the beat.

157. “High Like B—ches”: Sampling M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes”? How novel!! I’m hearing like four different remixes of this song in my mind right now instead of Lil B’s.

158. “700 (Remix)”: Sounds like something straight out of Space Jam.

159. “I’m Locked Up”: I’m a sucker for any kind of choral sample and this song has a good one. Though I think with rap behemoths like Lil Wayne and Gucci Mane currently releasing songs about prison, Lil B shouldn’t even try.

160. “Sending Shots”: He keeps calling himself “Beezy B,” this is a new development on this album. This beat is fresh, it’s got a DMX-esque series of gruff dog-like barks under the dark bass and swirly synth. He’s beginning to contradict himself—why did he just say he quit smoking? I thought he loved weed! I feel lost. I feel lost in a labyrinth of Lil B.

161. “Based College Intro”: This is Lil B’s “Picasso blues s—t” (he said that, I swear). This beat sounds like something that plays under public access television when it’s listing events in the community. Again with the theme of Lil B being cold: “I’m froze ‘cause I’m cold.” Why is he cold so often? I vote loneliness.

162. “Bam Bam”: God, this beat is scary. I feel like Lil B is sneaking up on me with some kind of weapon. I feel trapped. I don’t think I can turn it off. I think I’m trapped. I’m trapped in Lil B.

163. “I’m Not Normal”: I can’t identify this beat but it’s something ‘80s. It makes me feel like I’m in some demonic Lil B version of The Breakfast Club.

164. “Based Freestyle In HELL”: “You’re never getting out of here, ever!” Lil B exclaims at the beginning of this track. Somehow this is incredibly terrifying. At this point in the mixtape, I believe him.

165. “Seduce Me”: A glorious, straightforward example of pure, unadulterated misogyny. It’s about women trying to make him cheat. If he cheats on his girlfriend with other women, it’s the fault of the women. Over a romantic beat. Do I pity him? Do I hate him? Do I want to heal him? How do I feel?

166. “All I Got”: Take a breather. Pound a beer or two. Let’s get back into this monster. The combination of the dramatic marching band drum beat, the children’s chorus, and Lil B’s echoing vocals (always with the echoing, why?) creates an Eminem-esque feel to this track, but it’s not as good as Eminem. He needs to kick up the anger. Every moment of anger is followed with a snippet of humor. He diffuses it, just like he does with his honesty—why does he need to hide behind the laughs?

167. “Do Dumb Wild”: I don’t understand this song or this beat. I want to like it, for some reason, but the combination of horns and synth is a little much. I feel myself getting dumber. Is that the point?

168. “Can’t Stop Me”: Instead of the usual echoing under his vocals, here Lil B is doing his own backup, with drunken enhancements like “Awwwwww,” “what,” and “uh-huh.” It’s fairly distracting and takes away from the beat, which is basic, but not bad. When you imagine the song without the weird backup, it’s better. I can’t figure Lil B out. I can’t decide if he thinks he is fleshing his songs out, or adding a layer of humor. I don’t understand his motivation. I want to, but I don’t.

169. “Stick It Party”: This one is straight hypnosis—the bulk of the beat is two notes repeated, hazy and vibrating and sounding like space, layered over a basic bass, with Lil B’s vocals on top. And his lyrics are brutally repetitive (“stick it in stick it out” repeat times a million) and you just fall into it.

170. “Like Yurin”: I don’t want to listen to a song about urine.

171. “Cash Papeah”: More phonetic titles that are significantly less funny the second time around. This one’s another instance of Lil B being swallowed by his beat. It’s frantic and heavy and does not fit B’s mild flow and he doesn’t catch up until the end, when the synth is overtaken by the bass. Against the bass, he sounds great. The synth entirely drowns him out. Also, he’s all about cash paper. I don’t know any of the other lyrics.

172. “Looking For A Girlfriend”: Oh my god. This beat sounds like something from a music box. And he says he’s looking for “the baddest b—ch ever.” And he wants to “f—k her like dogs f–.” All over this sweetheart beat. I don’t think Lil B knows how to interact with women. No wonder you’re looking for a girlfriend, dude. “Looking for a girl to be my personal slut. Gonna f—k her in the butt.” POETRY.

173. “Close My Eyes”: He keeps speeding up his samples—this one is strikingly similar to that terrible ‘We Are The Champions’ sample. He keeps promising to be the best, while simultaneously asking life not to pass him by. It’s a strange juxtaposition. He claims to be the best, but fears that he isn’t living up to his potential. Who are you, Lil B? Who are you compared to who you wish you were?

174. “I, Robot”: Lil B is Based Robot and Based God at the same time. This is one of those rare moments where I wish I understood Lil B’s mythology. Worth listening for Lil B’s terrible attempt at making a record scratching noise.

175. “Hey”: He’s referencing songs that played really recently, specifically that urine song and “I, Robot.” And yes, the chorus is Lil B going “Heeeeeeeeey.”

176. “Lil B Spazzes Out”: Sample”: Lil Wayne’s “P—sy Money Weed.” Apparently this is the “Best Dressed” remix even though it’s not called that at all. This is probably the best example of terrible sampling in the history of the world. He leaves Lil Wayne in the chorus “I love her like p—sy money weed,” and wails “I’m best dressed” over it. After the chorus, Lil B is completely and amazingly awesome. He starts yelling “I’m not gonna freestyle over this because I don’t want to. I’m gonna talk to this beat if I want to. And I’m still gonna get paid.” He just stops rapping and starts yelling. The beat keeps going and Lil B is yelling and not rapping and just, what is he doing? Why is he doing this? He never starts rapping. He just talks and laughs and asks them to stop recording him. Oh and this song is over six minutes long. Best New $wagger

177. “Armageddon”: This sounds like it was recorded in space. The sample is unearthly voices echoing and looping under B’s echoing flow. I think this is what Armageddon will sound like.

178. “I’m Voting For Obama”: Huh, I really would’ve pinned B as a McCain supporter. “I know this is gon be his first time being president, and he might make some mistakes, but that’s gonna come real good, because he’s gonna make the change for the world, and bring us out the hood.” So that’s why we elected him.

179. “So Fresh”: Holy poor mixing, Batman! This beat is so quiet. I can barely hear the girls going “Fresh!” in the background. It really takes away from the whole experience.

180. “Hunned Thousand (Remix)”: I’m so into the phonetic titles. Here he samples 50 Cent’s “Ayo Technology,” which is a GREAT song that no one listened to. If I remember correctly it really flopped on the charts, which sucks, because it’s a great song with a sick beat. This version would definitely be enhanced by some Justin Timberlake though.

181. “Sexy Boy”: Is this legal? Lil B doesn’t rap. It’s just the song “Sexy Boy” by Shawn Michaels, no remixing, no rapping, nothing. And it’s stuck in the middle of this mixtape. Oh, and Shawn Michaels is a WWF professional wrestler. “Sexy Boy” is his theme music. What? Best New $wagger

182. “Love Yourself”: I think Lil B is trying to hypnotize me. He’s trying to pull me into Based World and become a Based God. To do this, I have to 1) Not be jealous 2) Love myself and be comfortable with myself. The synth comes about halfway through and I really think I’m losing consciousness.

183. “BasedGod (3mix)”: The creepy synth transitions perfectly and I barely noticed the song shift. It’s probably the first and only instance of a really nice transition on this mixtape.

184. “The Three L’s”: Do I even want to know what the Three L’s are? It opens with Lil B rapping over the sound of rain. This mixtape is steadily getting creepier. Lil B lets us in on the secret that “the only way to get love is to transmit love” over the sound of thunder. This is so ineloquent.

185. “Suck My F—king DAMN”: Okay, here’s the B we know and love. It’s about as good as all his other damn-sucking songs.

186. “Bout Whatever”: The best part of this R&B jam (which he claims cost $30,000) is the part where Lil B misspells his own name as L-I-B-O-S-S.

187. “Put It In The Air”: Put your blunt in the air! It’s like waving a lighter, but infinitely more awesome.

188. “I Helped The World”: I don’t believe you, Lil B. “I call it PTS—Positive.” Oh. Also, “Life is kind of like a night stand. It can tip over when you use your right hand.” He’s saying things that I think I understand, but then I back up feel confused and alone.

189. “New Age Hippie”: He raps over Dagda’s “Celtic Trance,” which is creates a nice, stoner-y companion to that song where he raps over Riverdance.

190. “Lil B Explains The Ocean”: He’s talking over something that I think is supposed to sound like waves and bubbles. He’s trying to hypnotize me again. He wants me to “close [my] eyes and let the colors take over.” He’s not explaining the ocean. He’s explaining what happens after you die (I think?) when we are all surrounded by beautiful colors. He ends by saying “I told you, and I promise.” I feel like I’ve just watched the video tape in The Ring. I feel like Lil B is going to come find me as I’m sleeping and drown me. Best New $wagger

191. “Respect The Earth”: I spoke too soon. The transition from the last song into this one is well-done, I guess because neither this nor “Ocean” have a beat. Lil B is telling me that life is amazing. “Look at the birds, even to the insects. Everything that’s outside is amazing—how did it get there?” I’m not stoned enough for this.

192. “You Broke My Heart”: Trance beat featuring Lil B saying “B—ch,” “Why did you leave,” and “Based freestyle.”

193. “Sex Noise”: Pump up the 90s!! The sample is SWV’s “Weak” and it’s incredibly cheesy. There’s a serious lack of sex noises in this song for it to be called “Sex Noise.”

194. “Like Yurin (Remix)”: I can’t take this. I can’t take any song that has Lil B saying “urine” over and over again.

195. “B—ch I’m Bout Racks”: Another TI sample, this time it’s “What You Know About That.” He’s proud of his “three to four million views” on Myspace. I don’t think anyone told Lil B that Myspace is no longer relevant.

196. “Dun Dun”: There are two layers of Lil B rapping. One is him talking and one is him making strange noises. I’m uncomfortable.

197. “B—hes”: Part 1”: This beat is ill. Apparently it’s Gucci Mane’s “Pyrex Pot” which I’ve never heard but I’m turning off Lil B and listening to Gucci Mane’s Trap House (Chopped and Screwed). Thank you Based God.

Thomas Pearce

198. “Based In England”: A classic, I remember reading about this one on nationofthizzlam, a site which I guess is now defunct. The premise is that Lil B is in England, partying and smoking weed. “If there’s a sorcerer and Ima kill the dragon?” Also Based nobleman is apparently a level of Based (See “Ain’t No Stoppin”)

199. “Bay Area S—t”: Sure Lil B makes some genre bending music like his ambient mixtape Dior Paint (“I am a Bird Now,” anyone?) but sometimes he just has to rep the bay. A pretty straightforward track. Amusing mentions of airbrushed shirts and Barack Obama.

200. “Aint No Stoppin’ (Skit)”: Makes me imagine a Lil B “Based” version of Lil Wayne’s Rebirth. He also includes the url www.myspace.com/packalbums, which turns out to be the first in a long trail of digital breadcrumbs that lead you to his ~150 myspaces. He wasn’t joking when he rapped “I made 900 songs and they’re easy to find.” His description of the “levels of Based” is also awesome: http://www.myspace.com/packalbums/blog/486780657

201. “I Can’t Stop This”: Straight up Based freestyle, martial “beat” with Lil B rap-talking.

202. “No your role: “Do you smell what the rock is cookin’?” is always going to be a great sample. More rapping than singing ridiculous hooks, but no standout lines.

203. “It’s My Heart: Starting with some cannibalistic imagery – “my n—–s hungry baby, yeah we want them bodies, we eatin’ everything, we eatin’ anybody.” Lil B also claims 32 different personalities.

204. “Head Bounce”: I was just sitting here thinking how I hadn’t had an overtly sexual song yet, knowing Lil B there a hundreds on this tape. But really this is a song about what a girl’s head does while giving head on the dance floor.

205. “I Don’t Give A F—k”: Straightforward, Lil B rapping about the titular subject, especially regarding women, and how they love him anyway.

206. “Outerspace”: Momentum shift, Based freestyle about a childhood romance that moves on to how she wants to go to space with him. “I just wanna be in the snow with you.” Lil B wants privacy on this slow jam, and space is the place.

207. “That Bo”: Over Biggie’s “Big Poppa.” Successfully reappropriated into a rap about promethazine. Not something I’d necessarily associate with Lil B but he actually probably has done/does a lot of drugs. “I’m a wizard but I’m not a wizard.” But hey, bonus slang I’ve never heard and would probably be uncomfortable using – bo is codeine cough syrup.

208. “On My D—k”: Shouts out to Dipset for this one, I guess that’s who this vocal sample is. Where Lil B’s beats come from is a mystery. He produces some of them himself, and his alter ego Dior Paint produced an album of the same name. But he occasionally shouts out people he gets beats from (e.g. Salem on “Slangin’ Yayo”)

209. “Ova a B—ch”: Thank you Based God, Lil B rapping over gangsta’s paradise. It’s a song for young men pining over women. Lil b also claims he would rather rob girls than date them when he was younger. Strong “bros over hoes” message, unfortunately Lil B does a little more singing than I like to hear.

210. “O Yes” nobody does the repeated vocal sample like Lil B – in this case mostly “oh, yes.” That’s what women say to him.

211. “No chains”: Pretty cool sample of a car peeling out at the beginning. Trying to fight Lil B is like trying to fight the entire earth, down to the “whales in the ocean.”

212. “100,000 Blunts and Counting”: slower song, Lil B is the ocean. A lot of wordplay, reminds me a little of a Based Gram-o-rama.

213. “40 Licks”: A song about all the money you can get from crime, sounds pretty awesome. Describing a clique and how they robbed 40 liquor stores.

214. “Welcome to Basedworld (skit)”: Lil B can laugh pretty demonically when he wants. Very survival of the fittest over a menacing beat, just B talking – “Barack Obama’s president, b—-.”

215. “Based Robot (Remix)” Chiptune Lil B, not nearly enough rapping though, just a lot of singing hooks and telling women to get naked. Was hoping this would elaborate more on his Lil B as robot theme.

216. “My swipe”: Beat by the guy that did that one Yung Joc song. This doesn’t even sound like Lil B really but I guess it is.

217. “Crank Dat”: Definitely a #rare guest spot, maybe it’s Soulja Boy – one of the first rappers to work with Lil B, rumor has it that he heard B say “thirty thousand, one hundred million” and decided they had to do a track together. Devolves into a song about getting head, go figure.

218. “It’s Whateva”: Is this a guest verse or just sampled wholesale? Lil B raps for the last minute of this 4:15 track, boasts that he’s your favorite rapper’s ghostwriter.

219. “Drip 4 A Stunna”: Another awesome beat, the past 3 have had a kind of Southern lean to them. Also another song that doesn’t sound much like Lil B. Not much to say about this one.

220. “Video Game Flow”: I wish I knew what video game this samples. Not as good as “I Love Video Games” on Evil Red Flame but similar thematically. Not much rapping here, Lil B doesn’t like to rap much over chiptune.

221. “My N—as Go”: A little diss on nerds and Lil B is going to move to the suburbs because he’s rich. Fatigue is setting in, imagining what it would be like if Lil B were my neighbor. I like to imagine we’d get along pretty well.

222. “On A Lake”: Some pretty scary laughter, “Welcome to my mind… you’re never gonna leave, you’re never getting out of here.” No thanks, Lil B is making “Based world” sound terrifying.

223. “Suck My D—k Techno”: Pretty self-explanatory. Continuity: relying on the use of the word scraper.

224. “Chopped and Screwed”: Shouts out to down South. A little rap about how Lil B owns a lot of Bape and shoes. “Whatever I do is a masterpiece.” Although it’s a little ridiculous to hear B brag about his shoes when he actually wears the same pair of “$45,000” vans every day. Worth http://www.theblastbydigiwaxx.com/2011/01/19/lil-b-exclusive-talks-about-album-and-how-his-shoes-are-worth-45000-dollars-video/

225. “Basedlord (Remix)”: All the Based noblemen let the trumpets play. Lil B again mentions that he is the ocean, which I am prepared to agree with in that you could drown in these 676 tracks. Solid track but not essential.

226. “Picasso Blue”: No real discernible theme here, just Lil B rapping/talking and an allusion to Picasso’s Blue Period. This feels a lot like when I had the revelation that “Trapped in the Closet” was just R. Kelly sing-talking.

227. “100 Percent On B—ches”: Kate again. I have decided that this is the greatest song title on this entire mixtape, and I want my nickname to be “100 Perfect On B—ches.” Lil B is singing again, this time over a disco sample. Oh, and at one point he tries to say numbers, and his counting goes “One two three, I’m on these b—ches. Four five six, I’m on these b—ches. Eleven, ten, twelve, thirty, sixteen, I’m on these b—ches.” Either he can’t count, or that third part is him listing the ages of his various b—ches. Either way, I’m disturbed. Best New $wagger

228. “Little By Little”: Remember the song “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus? Sounds nothing like this one.

229. “Hey Ho Legos”: Shawty Lo’s “Dey Know” redone here, a pretty hype beat and Lil B mentions that he has a ski mask and a bulletproof vest, if you can make it through the thirty or so seconds where it’s just Lil B saying “yeahhhhh.” The problem with Based freestyles is that Lil B actually says whatever he wants and just doesn’t stop even when he’s seriously derailed.

230. “Scrape and Swang”: Lil B on a pretty poor imitation of a dirty South beat. Lil B rapping over elevator music about driving a car and using slang.

231. “The Bay on Fire”: Lil B saying b—ch especially freely on this one.

232. “Cash on Site”: Rejected cut from 808s and Heartbreak?

233. “Water Release”: A lot of use of the word “cheese.” Excellent analogy, Lil B comparing Lil B to the wind.

234. “Wassup Blood? Wassup Cuz?” Saw this one coming up in the queue and got excited. “Shouts out to L.A. man… in the Bay area we say blood and cuz.” Cue Lil B simulating the whole interaction and then dropping a vaguely recognizable sample on us.

235. “Positive Check-in”: Lil B shouts out the drummer on this one but I’m pretty sure it’s a sample. Or it could be ?uestlove. Just Lil B talking about being positive – “I know some people that have no shelter man, that sleep on the ground that you pee on at night, but they’re happy. You know what that man told me, he said as long as you can make another person smile my day will always be made. That was a man that sleeps on the corner every day.” Lil B also reminds us that what he’s preaching is not religion.

236. “Summer Stars”: Guitars get the shout out on this one. Lil B works like a boss, is a boss, has some kind of boss-related tattoo.

237. “The Option”: What the Water Temple in Zelda: Ocarina of Time would sound like Based.

238. 40. Money – Cheddar / better / sweater rhyme to kick this one off. Kind of hard to square Lil B’s lust for money with his positive, Based preaching.

239. “Based Boys”: “Noblemen please turn on my lights, open the doors, I will knight you, Based King.” “I’m feeling so happy about this equation / 2 +2 = Me and You.” That should suffice for this one.

240. “All Beast”: Shouts out to Pastor Troy, who apparently was a member of the Southern rap group D.S.G.B. I really don’t know what to say about this one, Lil B just puts syllables together. “All my boys got 30,000 blunts on.”

241. “Lil Boss Speaks”: “It’s always a Based freestyle, like I said I’ma Based freestyle ‘til I get a million, then I’ma start working on my album.” “My brain is my stomach, my heart and my stomach.” Not even pretending to rap on this one.

242. “Chasing the Wind”: Picasso Blue Based freestyle. Maybe Lil B had his own blue period in recording Based freestyles.

243. “Based World 1989”: Lil B was in fact born in 1989 but that has nothing to do with this song. A rap about how Lil B is trapped in Based world and seeing a lot of colors.

244. “From Da Bottom to the Top” Feeling like Carson Daly, wants to be on MTV, sudden mood change and Lil B feels like his life is a prison.

245. “B-Town Boys”: Distorted/blown out bass, I assume B-Town is Berkeley here. They have sex daily with women there apparently.

246. “Smoke Blunts and Go Dumb”: See “B-Town Boys.”

247. Dip That S—t”: Abysmal beat. May or may not be about PCP.

248. “I Just Died – Part 1”: Is this Lil B? He sounds so different actually rapping. Ohhhh dropping the “dying in your arms tonight” sample.” Oh it’s one of the cuts with other Pack members.

249. “L.A. to the Bay”: No doubt in my mind that this would be a hyphy track. Another guest spot. Nothing to see here.

250. “Drop That P—sy”: Title is a pretty good indicator for this one. Lil B is “so horny in this thing.”

251. “Based Robot (3Mix)”: Hypnotic and not particularly inventive. “Blue light green light red light green light.”

252. “Catch Heem”: Chiptune-ish again. “Check me out, check that beautiful swag. You know I hate that word I hate saying that word,” weird admission that Lil B hates to say “swag” even though his adlibs – woo! Swag! Woo! Swag! – are sometimes the best part of his songs.

253. “Yesss”: Hate on the boss, get fired. Lil B whispers for a while, then raps about how he’s in public housing, literally and figuratively.

254. “BasedGod, What Are You Doing?”: Awesome. Just when my energy was flagging a little bit, Lil B raps over Linkin Park’s “Numb.” And the whole song is about getting head in public, starting with a skit in which Lil B speaks as a bystander and then as his Based God persona – “you’re messing up, you’re messing up my fun time… get away from me.” The best parts of course can’t be printed.

255. “Look”: Lil B apologizes for any harm he’s caused physically or emotionally. Pretty much just talking here – “everybody got a quarterback option, you feel me.”

256. “B—ches Suck My D—k”: They also tell Lil B that he’s fine, according to this song. Hypersexual, but you didn’t need me to tell you that.

257. “I’m focused”: Who/what is “heem” and why does Lil B want to catch him/it. “When I’m mold I’m really clean yeah, so when I’m clean I’m really dirty.” Textbook Based freestyle.

258. “Self-Discipline”: Over some kind of flute, Lil B on his samurai steez. Clothes as layers of the self, interesting. Lil B has the title, no rivals, and pays the rent. Another “heem” mention.

259. “Money in the Walls” Lil B is feeling relaxed. Women are liars, women are lion like tigers (get it?). Uh shouts out to Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Now he’s playing chess, sounds like he’s pawn grabbing to me. But he also hates chess because it’s a game and he doesn’t play games. Bringing the intensity on this one. Claiming the title of “Prince of the West.”

260. “RoboTron”: Hyphy on this one, repping Bay Area. Lil B’s feeling “pure” on this one, yet again he is going to catch his heem. Unfortunately the title isn’t very descriptive, excluding a little robotic voice mixed into the beat about a minute in, a couple Terminator and Robo Cop references.

261. “Coming from Hell” Dark synths, rapping about how he used to support himself by selling drugs.

262. “All Day, All Night”: This one’s for the 80s babies apparently. Lil B advocates shaking women as a seductive technique. A lot about fellatio here.

263. “Closer To Me”: Lil B rapping over some easy listening/lounge music. Just chillin’ out, being pretty boring.

264. “Sit Back and Relax”: Fatigue is setting in.

265. “Living On The Moon”: More lounge music with Lil B talking over it.

266. “Water Release (Remix)”: Shouts out to Plies. “And know that life is you, and me, and trees, and earth, before I die, I had to shed a tear let me cry, release, a water release.” Heady.

267. “Never Let Up”: A story from Lil B’s childhood. He learns that every day is small steps and little steps lead to big steps. Remember Nas’ “I Can?” Yeah.

268. “700 on Florence” Enjoying the beat on this one. You can eat Lil B like a cheetoh or possibly a burrito. Mostly nonsense.

269. “Hit the Top”: Closer to singing than rapping. Vague couplets about how Lil B is going to make it.

270. “I am the Beast”: “Feed me rappers or feed me beats” is a pretty cool Lil Wayne line to sample. Lil B just takes Wayne’s stream of consciousness flow to its extreme in these Based freestyles anyway.

271. “Coldest Winter”: To be anything Based takes self discipline, Based freestyling is a gift, not everybody has it. I would venture to say I only know one person who has been blessed with the ability to Based freestyle. Lil B describes the colors he sees around him.

272. “Get On My Level”: Lil B rapping about how he’s on his grind over Clipse’s “Grinding.”

273. “Goon 2 A Goblin”: Yes, the line from “A Milli” is sampled. Uninspiring guest spots.

274. “Blabber Talk”: I feel like my brain is being rewired. Maybe these beats have a hidden binaural tone in them.

275. “Thank You For The Support: part 2”: Starts out relatively normal, extremely upbeat techno beats 30 seconds in and Lil B professes his love for all his fans.

276. “Dng Dong (Remix)”: Lil B just seems so out of place on tracks with any other rappers on the track, as is the case here. Also the last rapper sounds like he’s 12.

277. “Hitmen Squad”: Pretty much as above, the Pack in the studio.

278. “Real N—gas”: Another posse cut, at least Lil B raps first on this one. Sticking to rapping about sex in this one.

279. “100 Grand”: A sample of Shawty Lo’s “Dey Know.” If it sounds familiar it’s because Lil B already rapped over it on “Hey ho legos.” Kept waiting for Lil B

280. “Myspace Page Promo”: Exists to tell you about www.myspace.com/packalbums.

281. “Smoke Screen”: What is this sample? Epic but really washed out in the background. “I see in transparent colors, my commitment to you is to remain Based for life, for eternity.” Wow the beat really changes a lot throughout this one, at least 4 different vocal samples. How has Lil B not been sued, he can’t be clearing all of these.

282. “Porn and College”: Ok rapping over some kind of country guitar sample, a little fiddle. Title is deceptive on this one. Naming porn stars.

283. “Cowboys”: “Ohmigod I’m still trapped in the 80s, ohmigod but I’m Based, but this is not regular, I’m Based with the cowboys.” Rapping a racially charged interaction between Lil B and a Ranger, then someone demands the sheriff arrest Lil B. But it’s Based God sheriff?

284. “Space Sex”: Dripping noise, panting woman. Lil B doesn’t have regular sex, he has space sex.

285. “The Box”: I can’t even pay attention to this one, Lil B just saying what’s up to people he knows.

286. “BasedWorld Home Invasion: Part 1”: – Serious choir music on the beat. Explaining his concept of Based World by moving through a house Lil B has evidently broken into. In the kitchen a lot of people are eating, therefore in Based World we all eat, etc. Part 2 covers the upstairs, apparently.

287. “The Big Dawg”: I got nothing.

288. “Miami Boss”: Beat makes me feel like I’m in Miami Vice or Beverley Hills Cop. “Come talk to Based God, I’ll show you something horrible.” Based God is not a benevolent God, apparently.

289. “Straight Spitting”: “Youtube every day on me, you really see the homie, you really see the boss full surface, you really see me 3D,” actually sums up Lil B pretty well in that he’s constantly on the internet keeping up-to-date on himself.

290. “Amor”: “I told everyone that I was on another level and no one believed me,” Lil B complains. In today’s day and age I’m sure Jesus would empathize. I would also like to hear the logic behind some of these track names.

291. “Worldwide Love”: Look at Lil B’s outfit. His women are pretty like “Cinderell-er.”

292. “Based Robot (4Mix)”: “You didn’t think I was the Based robot, huh, I’m computing my computers haha, welcome to my world.” The Based Robots are assembling and they’re not leaving. It’s time to take everyone that’s not Based captive. It’s the rapture.

293. “I’m Orange Juice”: Can’t deny I’m glad to have finished my section. “I’m in the ‘frigerator cause I’m cold and this chick open me up, drinking me up, I’m orange juice.” I don’t even know what to say about all of this. Based, y’all.

Ross Maloney

294. “BasedWorld Home Invasion: Part 2”: “Colors are all equal depending on the transparent.” That’s how sentences work. The beat on this creeps to a cool tech jive. Then there’s an arbitrary reference to the ocean, and you know this is a Lil B joint.

295. “Live a Legend, Die a Blessing”: If rap doesn’t work out for Lil B, he could try seminary or motivational speaking. Whether it’s the ocean, the beach, or the Japanese shogun, B finds inspiration in all walks of life and isn’t afraid to be himself. Okay, that’s all I’ve got here. I have a headache.

296. “I’m On One”: “LIL B AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM / WHAT THE F—K, I’M ON SHROOMS” What else do you need?

297. “Shout-Outs: Part 1”: Beginning with a sleazy saxophone, B shouts out to all his bros, stipulating after each name that he is indeed talking about them. Then, suddenly, this bursts into an ‘70s chamber pop song and B just gives up on rapping.

298. “What I’m Sayin’”: Dr. B recommends Based Freestyles for therapy. “What’s the deal? / Yeah, what’s the deal? / I felt like I was losin’ / All the mills”. Beyond the money and the drugs and the booze and the sex and the narcissism, B is just a down-to-earth guy from 7th Street who’s into mindfulness meditation. What a Renaissance Man.

299. “BasedBattles (BasedGod vs. Based Demi-God)”: MORTAL KOMBAAAAT.

300. “Boss Up (Remix)”: I love the title of this song. Another “freestyle/based on me” opener; a little stale, but still a goodie. Lil B reminds us how much he loves his job and getting high. Like Megatron? Too soon?

301. “Helly”: Aneurysm (an-yur-ih-zm) n. 1. A cerebral bulging, weak area in the wall of an artery that supplies blood to the brain. In most cases, a brain aneurysm causes no symptoms and goes unnoticed. In rare cases, the brain aneurysm ruptures, releasing blood into the skull and causing a stroke.

302. “Another World”: So, in this..one…B starts to make slobbery lip sound effects in lieu of an actual verse. “Everyone needs to know we’re Based, and we’re not normal. I’m not human, I’m not human. I sleep late and wake up early. I’m not human. I eat and shower the s—t, I’m not human.” Smh.

303. “80’s Powder”: He is referring to cocaine. He also refers to promiscuous intercourse, resurrection, and reincarnation. Siddhartha Gautama, eat your heart out.

304. “Weed Song”: “We smokin’ while we smokin’.” That’s pot logic if I ever heard it. The trademark nerd voice comes out on this one, too. What does that mean he’s trying to say about smoking weed? In all likelihood, nothing.

305. “Make Dough Like ’85”: Lil B was not alive in 1985.

306. “My Game, My World”: I wasn’t listening.

307. “Suck My D—k (3Remix)”: This song is kinda the s—t. Also it’s called a 3mix. 3MIX.

308. “Just A Smile”: After a new age, Enya exposition, this song brings more than just a smile to the face. It brings belly laughs, too. “It might not feel rill, but it’s rill / Like poppin’ pills.” I could go for some Advil right now.

309. “Don’t Think, Just Feel”: Ouch. This song is caustic it’s so raw and cutting. I’m imagining a black-and-white video of a chainlink fence and someone in a big hooded coat walking through the industrial slums.

310. “Based Demons”: B is having a conversation with himself again. This is another motif of his: looking in the mirror. What an introspective guy. So BASED in heart and soul.

311. “My D—k in Dirt”: Now it’s skateboarding? “I got a brain in my nose / Stupid f—ks.” Hmm. The word direction comes to mind. This is the freestyle rap equivalent of nonlinear film.

312. “Cash Online”: Cuz all his [friends] have cash online. I guess this is impressive? That means, at least if they bank with an FDIC-ensured establishment, that they have a checking account. Something also tells me they all have $100k in said accounts.

313. “Eat ‘Em B”: This is real, certified rhythm and poetry. Verses end with different words, flow occurs, and there is some form of narrative. Very well done, B. Let ‘em eat weed cake.

314. “Can Your B—ch S—k D—k?”: A new rendition of “Does Your Chain Hang Low?”: unnecessarily vulgar and shamelessly crude. He advocates putting 28—well, you get the gist.

315. “BasedWorld (Remix)”: Words keep going by and I’m trying to stay caught up. This just goes to prove I’m not ready for the BasedWorld, not yet. Hopefully one day.

316. “Haul Azz”: This song lays out exactly what it advertises: B wants booty, blow, and b—tches. And a hundred thousand dollars.

317. “I’m Here”: “I used to be a little boy / In a big world / Now I see the light / See the light” On his MySpace, the BasedGod claims to be Catholic. Could this be his “one for Jesus”?

318. “Who F—king Wit Me?”: This is not a test. This is a public service warning brought to you by Lil B that he will take you down no matter how you wrong him. Consider it a promise.

319. “She Still S—tin’”: Another fellatio song. “B—ches s—k me like a motherf—kin’ dragon / She spits fire like a motherf—kin’ dragon!”

320. “Call My Phone (Skit)”: Skits are funny and this skit is funny because how many times he feels obligated to use 100,000 in a minute and seven seconds.

321. “We Ain’t Thugs”: Okay, we believe you. I guess? Doesn’t that fall high on your canon?

322. “Myspace Dope I Love”: B would never sing a love song to a woman, but he will to a tween networking site. “MySpace is my dope,” he croons, likening it to an addictive stimulant. This is apparently how he finds girls, too. Classy.

323. “Based in Chi-Town”: Back 2 Tha Basics: BJs and misogyny. And it’s the girls’ fault, ya know, cuz they in love with that juke s—t. Then, the music ends and he just lists other artists from Chicago…like two of them.

324. “I Am The Ocean: Part 2”: Same as Part 1, but admit it, 676 sounds so much cleaner than 675.

325. “Square One”: Coldplay did it. This is the one which should’ve been called Shout-Outs Part 1. He even gives it up to Carrboro-CH’s own Merge Records. We do know he loves that band The Suburbs.

326. “I’m Raw”: On the minimalist side, this borders almost on instrumental. Very sparse verses when we do hear one. The beat can be perfectly summed up in one word, one prefix: sub-zero.

327. “4 The B—ches”: To no one’s surprise, he’s securing a hundred thousand dollars for his, erm, b—ches. That way, the lyrics go, they will be more likely to give him sex. At some point, he started likening his oral sex to Pacman.

328. “I’m Spitting Game”: Lil B says he wants to “be a six-figure”, then can’t think of something to rhyme with figure. …Really?

329. “Don’t Sleep On Me”: Sounds like something you’d hear at your washed up neighbor’s Halloween haunted house party. Prompts me to shudder at the thought of running into Lil B at a costume party. If his love life is half as crazy as he brags, that party would put Eyes Wide Shut to shame.

330. “Want To Be Me”: Who doesn’t want to be Lil B? The man is 19 and probably has a Guinness Record for world’s longest freestyle rap mixtape. That’s a tall order to meet. There might not be enough Adderall in all Chapel Hill to try.

331. “Spark The World”: WOAH WOAH WOAH. He can’t just start talking about politics and “professional policies” like that. Give us some forewarning, please. Especially on the heels of a song about date rape at a Halloween party.

332. “Who is Really Based?”: Dude sounds like that skinny creeper from The Sixth Sense who shoots Bruce Willis in the bathroom. Spoiler: He shoots himself, too. Oh, and B. B is Really Based. None other. Especially when he’s rapping about walking into a rusty old toolshed together to pray to the BasedGod.

333. “F—k Dem B—ches (Remix)”: Another reminder to the haters that they can go f*** themselves. B is not afraid to be h8d, though he’s not surprised when everyone <3s him.

334. “B—ches (Part 2)”: Key lyrics: “I Got B—ches / I Got B—ches / I Got B—ches / …” Also, most importantly, “I Got 62 MySpaces”.

335. “Leaving Basnam”: “Cuz BasedWorld is peaceful / Let me open the door and show you something illegal.” B’s “Positive Jekyll” aka Captain Good Energy has shown his face once again. I wonder what the property tax is like in BasedWorld. And whether they have neighborhood schools, or schools period.

336. “Bust Downs”: “Beat her to the ground/Take her a— to the ground.” …. This couldn’t be…nooo. “Tell that b—ch to s—t all day”… well, remember B, only yes means yes.

337. “OMG Head”: An obnoxious freestyle over one of the most annoying songs of all time. “She’ll s—k me hard and then put it in her butt. And then she call me BasedGod.” What happens when Lil B’s mom listens to her baby boy’s little music project?

338. “She’s Not Gay”: Lonely Island sample. Perpetuates the stereotype that all college women are whores. Also, by the transitive property, if they perform fellatio, then they can’t be gay. Alert the Nobels?

339. “Girl Bend Dat Back”: Simultaneously sets back all three waves of feminism. “She wants to f—k/ F—k rap stars/ She wants to f—k/ F—k on Mars.” Implying that Lil B is a rap star?

340. “Watch This”: SWAG. #basedout #$100k #LILBTHEBASEDGOD

341. “Base On Me”: In a fierce storm of video game associations, B raps “Controllers are everywhere. Get it? Controllers are everywhere.” Not quite Kanye’s, “AIDS. Get it?” on “Gorgeous”, but it’s a nice try. The issue is that I’m not sure Lil B himself gets it. The only way this makes sense is to break the intonation into ‘con’ and ‘trollers’, which he does not.

342. “OMG It’s BasedGod”: The chorus to this song goes, “Oh my God / Oh my motherf—king God! / It’s BasedGod / It’s BasedGod.” B is trying to nail an impersonation of some geek demographic with his voice here, but we’re not sure what/who it is, or if Lil B knows the word ‘demographic’.

343. “Booty 2 Da Flo”: Lil B’s accent straddles somewhere between Cool Runnings and Outsourced. I did learn that he possesses the most money in the world, which is $100,000. Now I understand the premise and utility of the Bush Tax Cuts: NO ONE gets spared!

344. “Part Two”: Is there a Part One? Song starts with a classical strings sample then hits a brick wall of raprage: “Going AWOL on these motherf—king DOGS, these motherf—king CATS, these motherf—king RATS…” It’s like he took a page from Noah’s diary. That or he lost out to Dr. Seuss for the Caldecott.

345. “Got To F—k”: The overriding problem with this song is that B answers the inciting hook question in the first 3 seconds: “Hey Lil B, bro, why you so nasty?” “Gosta f—k, gosta f—k, gosta f—k, gosta f—k, gosta…” I do applaud this song for breaking the homeonormative standard that the female controls whether a sexual interaction will occur. B: “You wanna f—k? You gotta gimme a sign. I’ll give you a sign back if I want to, too.” I think this song is the sign.

346. “I Want P—sy”: The rhyming scheme of this: ABAB – ABAB – ABBC – AAAA – ABTV – A$©É – ?#X€ — SWAG

347. “We Getting Rich”: By this point, I notice certain recurring motifs in B’s music. For instance, oral sex. Also, lyrics indicative of a grand appreciation for Mad Libs: “Oh-My-God/What-R-U-Doing?/I’m-Not-S—tty/You-So-Poopy”.

348. “Ten 4 On Deck”: I think this is a 50 Cent sample. Also, half way through I think he asks his Midtown [homies] to S his D. Continuity error?

349. “So Droded”: I’m very curious to find out what ‘droded’ means. I also wonder how much of this was at all scripted before hitting ‘record’. Most hilariously, B urges fans to hit him up on MySpace to try to asskiss into his Top Friends. Apparently ‘droded’ is synonymous with ‘loaded’, as in a droded baked potato.

350. “My Place”: Here we go. Lil B starts off by fessing up to the fact that he’s been focusing too much of his efforts on women and sex and need to refocus on his “rhyming s—t”. But, alas, there’s no training an old man to fish. Except for women of loose morals.

351. “Still Slippin’”: This song feels like it should have the ballad potential of Eminem’s “Stan” and, thus, be broken up with heartwrenching interludes by a diehard fan. That, however, would require diehard fans. The moral here is clearly ‘Carpe diem, you f—king whore.”

352. “G4 Boyz”: G4 Noize

353. “The Beach”: B’s Avatar. He claims he is the leaves and the tree and the ocean. His Hallmark salute to Mother Nature comes off as his surprising, and only, thank you to a woman. Then, he asks “Can I sleep in the water?” Maybe he should have before producing the rest of these jams.

354. “Go On 1”: The growl in the beat is either saying “Lookitchu” or “Pikachu”. Lil B has the libido of 30 middle school boys. And the vocabulary.

355. “Sunny Day”: “I’m not like those other dudes / I don’t write my flow.” Oh, and what’s that? Yet another reference to this illusive $100k. This money is starting to sound like the LOST numbers.

356. “Breakdown”: What happens when you combine Nintendo MIDIs and porn bites? This song. Oh wait, there’s already a genre for that: noise porn. EDWARDS STREET REPRESENT. 4 8 15 16 23 42 FOR LYFE.

357. “Sex Club”: The most progressive track on the album. Not in the sociopolitical sense, of course, but in the sense that there’s actually a rhythmic build. Next thing we know, Lil B will be headlining Roskilde Festival.

358. “Low Tip”: The crux of this song is Lil B trying to persuade a girl that they can keep their unrequited relations on the down low and that “the best secrets are the best secrets”. Originality points are awarded for the Chipmunk chorus of “Nobody has to know / x4”.

359. “Freestyle For Hip Hop”: Is this really only the 19th song I’ve reviewed? Oh, wait it’s not.

360. “Come On Board”: Where is this train departing to and could I rope myself to the track?

361. “New World Basnam”: We learn that BasedLand is a lot like Japan. Then there’s a shoutout to Bono. Yes, Bono from U2. (He clarifies.) Finally, we gather a tease of where B is headed, philosophically: “Everyone is welcome to BasedLand. There’s no one who’s not welcome. Only the negative people are not welcome.”

362. “Cold and Love”: “Me and you is like salad with the dressing. Dressing with the salad. Salad, let me dress you.” B shares his more romantic, tender side with us, and, for the first time since “I Want P—sy”, we get the sense that the Teflon Tin Man has a heart.

363. “If I Die”: This song is about optimism in the face of death and dying for the people, maaan. A new B—the one promised by “New World Basnam”—is born. A redemption? Positively. “If you live positive, your brain will grow.” #basedscience

364. “Tell Her, “Shake A—“: For some reason, this song is more about breasts than anything else.

365. “Stack Paper”: At one point, Lil B can’t think of anything to rhyme with “bank”. May I offer a suggestion? “ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND.” Also, Elton John is tearin’ up piano in the background.

366. “Welcome To The Jungle”: Just when you thought this would be a GNR cover moderately to significantly better than Fergie’s, you find out it isn’t. It’s a song about eating lions, rhinos, and elephants. This is Lil B’s jungle, and don’t you forget it. Skip thirty seconds later and he’s just throwing out animals with variations of the f-word.

367. “Why Would She Leave?”: “Why would you leave me?… I freestyle.” Seriously, what the hell? Why would you leave him? Thins song actually features somewhat of a catchy chorus, sung by a female to a female.

368. “Drop That Bass”: Very late ‘80s feel with the scratch and distortion effects. Now it’s less money and more hard math and probability: “100,000%.”

369. “Crazy 4 Da Mhanny”: No, that’s not a typo. “I’m so pretty / And I’m so fresh / Let your / Motherf—kin’ hair down, b—ch!” With a title like “Crazy 4 Da Mhanny”, one needn’t expect anything less than rampant materialism and the pursuit of hornyness.

370. “2012”: Judging by the lyrics about toasting the night away, I’m not sure if this song is called “2012” because the world is going to end or because it’s when Lil B graduates from high school. If 2012 is the apocalypse, isn’t it close enough yet?

371. “Nothing Like It”: “Yes sir, I’m mad / Yes sir, I’m glad / Yes sir, get cash.” Well…there’s nothing like it. He also tucks in a sly and very obscure allusion to Lex Luger, likening himself to a firearm.

372. “Way Too Based”: Yes, it is. 100,000%.

373. “Stick ‘Em Up”: Despite the diversity in beats, Lil B’s flow continues to remain quite static. This song, a refreshing change of pace, is about how he’s a boss.

374. “Separator” — Sampling a James Brown drum beat and ripping off Flying Lotus production, this surprisingly detailed track revisits B’s favorite theme of the digital age, garbling up music that would be perfectly fine for nothing more than personal gain. No rapping on this one, and I honestly am not even sure if Lil B was in the studio as this one was being made. Or if he has a studio.

375. “Throw That Money”: If you’ve just rhymed “deck” with itself three times, what would you rhyme it with next? D—k, obviously. This ode to the strip clubs’ B Squad is merely another means to plug his B(ased) Squad.

376. “All Falls Down”: Why aren’t these songs getting any shorter??

377. “Dizzy”: I’m seriously debating whether any girl I meet from henceforth won’t have been with LB, from the sheer amount of muses he seems to have. Money can’t buy love, but a hundred thousand dollars can. #BASED

378. “Break Dem B—ches Down”: Is he talking about folding tables here? I’m confused why he thought this song was a good idea. But then again, I’m listening to a 676-track MySpace mixtape.

379. “Megatron”: B’s obsession with being “high like Megatron” continues in his formal ode to the Transformer. The mixing sounds off on this one—too quiet—but that could well be because he and Mega are waaaay too high up there.

380. “Babies”: This one’s about a guy needing a hundred thousand dollars for his child support bills for his babies’ mamas’ rent. The solution to this is NOT to release your 676-song CD for free. Also, start if you’re already sleeping with so many women, why not the landlord?

381. “Based Horizon”: This is a lovely ditty about slowing down and using meditation to see past the horizon. And he’s “risin’ like some buttah, risin’ like some bacon.” Om.

382. “I Got Hos”: B mumbles throughout this entire song, except when he shouts out to Megatron.

383. “More Than Ever”: A GUITAR! Now it’s just dawning on me: this whole album could be a joke. If so, it’s totally on me. Also, what is that sample?

384. “The Flame”: A song about fire set to the trickling of water. B also plugs his official clothing line, Tropical Dreams, that will only be released exclusively to select people. We learn (again?) that Lil B = Lil Boss. NOW WE KNOW. Also, this isn’t a song, it’s a sermon.

385. “Phase One: The Hater”: Snakes all around they gon’ hate. Looks like someone has been brushing up on their Old Testament. Also, I learned that adding “Think about it” after every half-baked, ludicrous declaration makes it 100k% more valid.

386. “Santa Is Coming”: “Mommy, I see Santa Claus!” “MERRY CHRISTMAS, B—ch!” Okay, good start. Then: “Oh-My-God / I need presents / Oh-My-God / I need presents…” Wait, what? This is just “OMG, It’s the BasedGod” with a wantonly salacious depiction of Santa. I feel gypped. Aaand, wait for it…wait for it… “Hundred thousand / Santa Claus / hundred thousand / Santa Claus!” Ahhh. Release.

387. “Lamantros”: This is the product of B’s ripped out and crumpled notebook pages in the studio trash bin. A.K.A. his Spanish homework.

388. “Call On Me”: I really think B’s producer threw this cheesy after-school special beat on him as a joke, and the BasedGod proved that the joke was indeed on him.

Drew Millard

389. “Love Me”: Lil B rambles over an old-school soul beat about how he is going to make his girlfriend love him. He doesn’t rap as much as he kind of speaks in time with the beat.

390. “Pretty Like Mirror”: This song sounds like the type of dubstep that they play right before the world explodes. Lil B would like you to know that yes, in fact, he is pretty.

391. “I’m Still Cooking”: This is a sequel to “Cooking”, a duet that Lil B did with Soulja Boy. The beat is ominous, and Lil B would like his listeners to know that he takes classes in management. No word as to whether or not the band MGMT was invited.

392. “I’m Home”: This song is odd because Lil B’s cell phone keeps ringing while he’s rapping. It is unclear whether or not this was on purpose. The beat is very much influenced by Hyphy, the skittering, bass-heavy subgenre of hip-hop from the Bay Area. Swag.

393. “Ritsy Boss” – Never before has anyone ever rapped over the song “Moondance” by Van Morrison. It’s okay, though, because Lil B shouts out Tupac, another rapper who recorded approximately one million songs. Only time will tell whether or not Lil B proves more important than Pac. Smart money on Lil Brandon.

394. “Twilight Beach”: Here, Lil B raps over vintage Afrikka Bambaataa electro, and he’s telling the listener what it’s like to be in “Based World,” which is the universe where he resides. None of these lines really rhyme, actually, but it’s still mostly pretty alright. The song ends with him asking for directions to the beach.

395. “I’m Hustlin’”: Here, Lil B freestyles over the song “Hustlin’” by Rick Ross, except he places his own ambient synths over it. Lil B makes a point of saying that he isn’t the best rapper alive, but he might be the rawest. I do not disagree.

396. “B-Town Waterfront”: Here, Lil B raps over the beat for “Put On” by Young Jeezy and Kanye West. I honestly can’t tell whether or not he does a better job with it than they did, but I like how he stops the beat to periodically yell “B-Town!” B-Town is Berkley, California, by the way.

397. “Straight Spitting (Remix)”: I thought the point of having a song called “Straight Spitting” was that it needed no remix, but logic like that is why Lil B has over a hundred thousand followers on Twitter and I have like a hundred and fifty. This song is sweet, though. Be wary of Lil Brandon’s coarse language!

398. “Captain”: Here, Lil B samples T-Pain’s “Buy You A Drank” in order to rant about how his spaceship is about to be attacked by robots. He doesn’t really rap on this, but it might be my third-favorite Lil B song, if only for the fact that Lil B says, “Never bring it back, like a VCR from your neighbor.” Best New $wagger.

399. “Mist Is Blue”: Brandon drops the pretense of humor in order to inspire his listeners. Maybe it was just the sample of some 80s synth-pop classic, but after I listened to this I was ready to punch through a wall.

400. “A.O.B.”: Here’s a freestyle about how you have to respect people and remain humble. And also pirates? I honestly don’t know what “A.O.B” stands for, though.

401. “A Real B—ch”: Remember the song “Song Cry” by Jay-Z from his seminal album “The Blueprint”? Well, Lil B is rapping over that song! And what do you know, he’s actually giving it a hundred percent. Predictably, this song is about how he wants a girlfriend who is “real.”

402. “UK Swagg”: Lil B raps over an electro-flavored dubstep beat about how he is in England. This song was really short.

403. “Electric Based”: This song knocks like someone’s heartbeat. He self-reflectively raps about how he is Based because he is Based.

404. “Merry Xmas”: This is Lil B’s Christmas carol, because of course he made one of those.

405. “Play Brothers: Part 1”: Here’s a freestyle over the song “Big Brother” by Kanye west from his Graduation album. He claimed that he didn’t write these lyrics because he wanted to speak from the heart, but I’m worried that Lil B might just be lazy. Oh wait, he made a 676 song mixtape what am I talking about.

406. “Don’t Trust These Hos”: Over a dark, ominous Dirty South beat, Lil B warns against the perils against trusting your girlfriend too much. I wish I knew what he meant when he says the word “bopper.”

407. “Live My Life”: Lil B starts by big-upping his guitarist, but I’m pretty sure that he’s rapping over a sample. Lil B is an idiot. Lil B is a genius. Lil B proves that there is actually no difference between those labels. Unlike “Play Brothers: Part 1”, I’m pretty sure Lil B wrote down lyrics for this song, because it sounds like a poem.

408. “Searching For Love”: Despite the fact that he just warned us against trusting our girlfriends, this song is about how he wants a girlfriend, but he wants to be comfortable with himself because he does that. The beat here could be described as “ambient” – Lil B actually made two mixtapes consisting of nothing but him rapping over ambient beats, and they were perfect. Oops, there are drums now. Does Lil B listen to a lot of trance music or something?

409. “Thank You”: Say what you will about his rapping, but Lil Bars has one heckuva ear for beats. I’m pretty sure he does some of his own production, and this one is great. Who else would have thought to put bongo drums with synthesized violins? #BASED

410. “Song Bleed”: This is a song about how Lil B is going to make this song bleed. He seems really mad right now for some reason.

411. “Sex In Japan”: If this were Jeopardy and you asked the computer to name a song about having sex in Japan, the computer would ask, “What is the song “Sex in Japan” by Lil B?” And that computer would be correct.

412. “Sweetest Sound”: Another shout-out to his guitarist. This time, Lil B is rapping over synthetic doo-wop, probably from the eighties. One time I read that Lil B spends eighteen hours a day on his computer. I wonder if he made this mixtape in order to make you feel like he feels.

413. “Based Seduction”: This is a song about seducing a girl by rapping to her and “loving without love”, whatever that means. The beat is shiny-sounding, though. Best New $wagger.

414. “AnyBased”: Here, Lil B offers to tell us a bunch of facts over an ambient beat, but never gets around to actually telling us the facts. Instead, he rhymes the word “fact” with itself fifteen times. Best New $wagger.

415. “Get High”: It would make sense that Lil B likes to do pot, since he sits at a computer all day long. This song consists of him smoking pot and talking into the microphone about how he is now high.

416. “Best Dressed (Remix)”: This song makes me feel good about how I am dressed, even though I am wearing a fifteen-year old Toronto Raptors jersey.

417. “I-Robot (4Mix)”: Though the subject of what a “4Mix” exactly is is never actually broached, this is probably a remix of a song called “I-Robot”. In case you had to ask, this is a song about how Lil B is a robot. The beat is pretty impressive, actually, an ambient steamroller that calms you down after the high of “Best Dressed (Remix)”.

418. “Y’all Not Ready”: The beat to this song is another Lil B song, except played backwards. If I actually listened to this song in its entirety I would probably have a panic attack. Best New $wagger.

419. “ProBased”: Yet another song with a backwards beat. For some reason, this one reminds me of water. $econd-Best New $wagger.

420. “Legacy”: Now we’re into the long-running parts of this set of songs, with track lengths creeping up into the five-minute mark. Lil B seems angry about something here. Perhaps he is upset about not having a girlfriend.

421. “Till I Die”: Words that come to my mind here: “dark,” “gothic,” “#swag.” All in all, I have actually heard less instances of the word “swag” than I thought I was going to. The crazy thing about Lil B is he’s actually a pretty great rapper with an effortless flow, and yet he so often chooses to rap terribly.

422. “Where It Starts”: “I make sure that everything I say every time I say it has a deep meaning.” Earlier, Lil B rapped a URL and then Critic’s Corner as a whole went to that URL and it was awesome. This song is really ambient, but sometimes I wonder if Lil B actually knows what ambient music actually means. Either way, I’m pretty sure he’s sampling Brian Eno’s “Music for Airplanes” here.

423. “Yoppers”: The ambience of “Where It Starts” has melted away to reveal a Southern Bounce track with an indeterminable guest rapper. If forced to hazard a guess, I would say that this is Hurricaine Chris, but heck, it could be Chris Martin of Coldplay for all I know. According to Google, the guest rapper is actually a fellow who goes by the name Mannish Man, which makes me wonder if he has ever listened to Mannish Boy by Muddy Waters.

424. “BasedWorld”: I guess the beat to this song is supposed to be “inspirational,” but I think this song is about starting fights in the club, or maybe the basketball court.

425. “Lotus Flower”: Drone tones and footsteps bleed into beautiful falsetto. There are not words to describe songs this beautiful. No rapping on this one.

426. “I Got B—ches (Remix)”: At last, the remix to “I Got B—ches” the world was clamoring for! He repeats the titular phrase over and over until you actually believe him.

427. “4 Her”: If you notice, there are roughly four central themes to Lil B songs. There are a fair amount of songs about being a robot in outer space. There are a bunch of songs that make absolutely zero sense. Then, there are songs about Lil B’s sexual prowess. Perhaps Lil B’s Lil Bread and Lil Butter, however, is his ability to make laugh-out-loud songs about “the ladies.” This falls squarely into Category IV.

428. “Shout Outs: Part 2”: This is a song where Lil B talks about all of his friends. If he does not mention you in this song, you are probably not his true friend.

429. “Real Game”: Here’s a song with a rapper from the Bay Area who is probably twice Lil B’s age. I’m not going to lie, this song is not very good.

430. “Yea Agent Skully”: Now Lil B is sampling the theme song to the X-Files, and he seems like he’s really proud of that fact, letting the beat do most of the work. About halfway through the song he starts completely losing the beat and starts talking about defending the universe and being sexually prolific.

431. “Tune B Whirlpool”: I guess the craziest thing about this mixtape is that every song has the capacity to be someone’s favorite song. I could see how someone who loved old soul music and hated women would be in love with this track. Best New $wagger.

432. “Chopped And Based”: OH MY GOD THIS SONG JUST KICKED A HOLE IN MY MIND. This song is very explicitly about swimming while on the type of cough syrup that you need to know a pharmacist to obtain. That, or a drug dealer.

433. “Gata”: This song is incomprehensible in its poppiness. Is that T-Pain on the hook? Probably not, but you get the point.

434. “Based Girl”: Lil B sings over acoustic guitars and bird chirps. This is really, really positive. Like I’m pretty sure Bob Ross was never even this positive, and that dude made a living painting trees. Sometimes Lil B ends his lines before he’s done with his thoughts.

435. “B Is High”: I wonder if Lil B actually does marijuana, because the way he raps about marijuana it seems like he doesn’t really know what it’s about. For example, when you get high it doesn’t turn you into a robot. It’s okay, though, because he shouts out Barack Obama at the end of the song.

436. “Ed Headdy”: Turns out this song is actually about Ed Hardy clothing. I think I might hate Lil B as a person for putting out a mixtape this long, but I love him as an idea. You can’t kill an idea.

437. “Money In The Summertime”: This is a song about how Lil B gets money in the summer, despite the fact that most people are relaxing during the summer. He’s got a point; I haven’t worked a job during the summer since I was sixteen. Lil B graciously cedes some of this track to another random rapper from Oakland.

438. “I Am Based”: Lil B is now rapping over a sample from Phantom of the Opera playing over some drum&bass, aka drum&#BASED. Best New $wagger.

439. “Doin’ My Thang”: The beat is borrowed from one of my favorite songs, “Poppin’ My Collar” by Three 6 Mafia. Halfway through the song he stops rapping and tells the listener to do their own thing. This is not accidental.

440. “Tryna Get Paid”: Who is Arcade Fire? Despite the fact that there is a Tumblr devoted to the fact that nobody has ever heard of this Grammy-Winning Canadian independent rock group, Lil B samples their song “In The Backseat” and says a bunch of things that are unprintable but still made me giggle.

441. “My Life”: Lil B pitch-shifts his voice on this one and talks about his childhood. Halfway through, regular-voiced B takes over and talks about the importance of hustling. Evocative of early-nineties alt-rock. Call him Young Spin Doctor, if you will.

442. “Tune B Chemist Beat: Part 2”: Oh wait, maybe Tune B is actually Lil B’s cousin? I think he is messing with us and Tune B is actually Lil B. Clearly Lil B has a love affair with The Blueprint, because this is the second song in like twenty songs where he raps over a beat from that album. He brags about how many MySpace pages he has on this.

443. “Tune B Shout Out To Lil B”: Lil B’s alter ego Tune B makes another appearance, warning us that a mixtape will appear in January. It is now February. The mixtape has arrived and it is opulent. Oddly enough, Lil B is just rapping over the same beat as the previous song. OH WAIT THIS IS JUST THE SAME SONG TWICE IN A ROW. Is he a Dadaist comedian?

444. “In My Life”: Sadly, this is not a Beatles cover, but instead a freestyle over a keyboard line that I’m pretty sure comes from a reggae version of “Let It Be” crossed with “No Woman No Cry.” With that fact in mind, Lil B is DEFINITELY a dadaist comedian.

445. “Where’s Samantha?”: I have no idea who Samantha is, but Lil B is looking for her. She is hiding somewhere, and it might be inside of this beat, which I’m pretty sure samples Enya. Seriously, Lil B must listen to more music than anyone in the entire universe.

446. “Noble’s Round Table”: I’m pretty sure I have heard the beat to this song on pop radio before, but I might just be wrong. Lil B should have his own XM station. If Eminem can have one then so can he.

447. “Toy Story”: Lil B is now rapping over Kanye West’s “Everything I Am”, one of my favorite songs. The Lil Boss freestyles about being in a toy store, and also some other things.

448. “Vice Versa”: Lil B is rapping on top one of the lost Southern Rap classics, Pastor Troy’s “Vica Versa”. It’s pretty clear that Lil B is just excited to have thought of using this song, and all of a sudden the Lil B who knows how to rap rears his potentially ugly head again.

449. “Imaginary Girl”: In this song, Lil B is very thankful for his imaginary girlfriend.

450. “Cash Money”: Lil B clearly knows hip-hop history, as this is a song about how much money he has, and the beat sounds like it might come from something put out by the Cash Money label in the late 1990s.

451. “College Bros”: This is a rock song where Lil B raps about being drunk off of beer with his friends at a bunch of fraternity houses. If this song had a genre, it would be called “Asher Rock”. Best New $wagger.

452. “Wonderful”: This song is so ambient that I forgot it was playing.

453. “Flossin’ Season”: I listened to this song three times in a row and still have no idea what it’s about. The beat is nice, though. Oh good, Lil B just used some disparaging terms in reference to females.

454. “SunWolf”: Unbelievably enough, Lil B is now singing over something that sounds like Navajo folk music. Still, Lil B respects all of the people, even if they don’t like him. Homie is mad magnanimous.

455. “SexMix”: Aaaand, another song with a title that starts with S and has two words mashed together to make one word! Lil B teases that he has a feeling, but then he withholds it. Is he a psychological tease or does he just have ADD?

456. “Never Forget”: Lil B rapping over yet another one of my favorite beats. This time he’s flowing over Killah Priest’s “One Step”. This is interesting because he is basically the ideological opposite of Killah Priest – while KP was basically interested in converting everyone into five-percenters who wanted to overthrow the government, Lil B just wants everybody to hug each other. Who’s right? YOU DECIDE, AMERICA.

457. “Drop It In The B—ch”: The best song of the 2000s may very well have been Snoop Dogg and Pharrell’s “Drop It Like It’s Hot”. Lil B found a way to make that song even dirtier than it was. Good thing Lil B oddly censors himself from saying the “f” word, or else I might have been offended.

458. “Dun Roy”: Shouts out to Paypal; it’s really a valuable service.

459. “A-Wall: Part 1”: Lil B asks for “bass trumpets”, which are not a thing. Implying that Lil B was in band in middle school. I wait with bated breath for “A-Wall: Part 2”. Turns out “A-Wall: Part 2” is so hypnotic that it makes you want to eat a cat.

460. “B—ch Throw It Up”: Sadly, this is not a song about girls throwing up, but instead mainly about how girls should be more into hyphy.

461. “2 Real N—gas”: The great mystery: who is the other “real n—ga” on this song? Google doesn’t know, so that means I don’t either.

462. “2005 Check-In”: Sadly, he does not just say the phrase “check-in” 2005 times but instead offers a fairly cohesive verse. In other words, this song is terrible.

463. “In Miami”: Is that a 2 Live Crew sample? No! Lil B does you one better by just playing a 2 Live Crew song and ad-libbing over the pre-existing first verse and then inserting himself into the second. Oh wait, he’s just trading verses with this bro. Lil B says he is trapped in the eighties and yet he wasn’t born then? I don’t even know anymore.

464. “Mommy”: A seven-minute song where half of Lil B’s raps come from the perspective of his mother. He says “hey” a lot and I’m pretty sure the beat samples something from Lord Of The Rings. This is his “Stairway to Heaven,” with the spoken word piece by “Mommy” comprising the Jimmy Paige guitar solo at the end.

465. “Bay Boyz”: This sounds like something Ray J would serenade someone over. Instead, just more of Brandon telling us that he feels low sometimes. You guys, what if Lil B has a disorder?

466. “Neon God”: It’s like Lil B saves up all his rapping energy for like thirty songs in a row in order to spit like a minute’s worth of serviceable rapping. Oh wait, he’s just yelling numbers again. Choice lyric: “I’m nothing, but I’m really something, b—ch.”

467. “Why I Do This”: Right now, I am asking myself why I am doing this. According to Lil B, he is doing it because he is the captain of a spaceship but he is also the first mate of that spaceship and he has to protect his people. The sample here is from Kanye West’s “Never Let Me Down”, but he sped it up to like 78rpm which turns this into Chipmunk-Cyber-Motivational-Soul. He really has a fascination with the number 100,000. Now he’s rapping about Sun Tzu and just said, “Shouts out to Chinese.” He knows.

468. “Why My Homie Die?”: Lil B examines the big question of why death happens. Even though literally every other human being worked this out when they were seven and their dog got hit by a car. Still, appreciate the sentiment. Based New Music.

469. “4 The Boss”: A Based Freestyle over yet another trance sample. Tell me, does Lil B spend a lot of time in the Netherlands or something? Lil B makes the point of shouting out Tacoma, Washington, which is probably the first time that has ever happened in a rap song. Stop snitching, y’all. Didn’t Lil B do some songs with Das Racist like six months ago? I want to hear those.

470. “10,000,000 4 The B—ches”: After spending twenty minutes trying to find those Lil B x DR tracks on the internet, I can unequivocally say that was not worth it, especially since they don’t actually exist and I had this song to come back to. Lil B’s in space again, this time rapping about how many girls he can fit in the backseat of his car (yes, the answer is 100,000). This song is so good that I don’t trust it.

471. “So Amazing”: Lil B really has a thing for lounge music. That lounge-y instinct combined with the fact that he raps about having ten thousand girlfriends makes me feel like he’s rap’s Gary Wilson. You already know what it is, and if you don’t you should by now. Oh, I’ll just tell you who Gary Wilson is. He’s this dude who made really creepy, Velvet Underground-influenced lounge music in the ‘70s and nobody could figure out if he was kidding or not. Then he disappeared until 2002 to play actual lounge music, where he was rediscovered after having accidentally predicated Beck’s “Odelay” album. Gary just put out an album called “Electric Endicott” that is only fourteen songs. In other words, Gary Wilson is lazy.

472. “My Party”: Two lounge tracks in a row? Well, this one is kind of a hybrid of Dr. Dre and lounge music, a sort of smooth funk that doesn’t really need any rapping. Good thing, because Lil B doesn’t actually rap on this as much as he whispers about how he has a really cool party going. I honestly cannot believe this song samples the German Kraut-Rockers Can, and yet it does. Can is one of my ten favorite bands of all time. I think after this mixtape Lil B might be too.

473. “Can’t Tell Me Nothing”: I think that Lil B raps over every single beat from Kanye’s “Graduation” on “Free Music”. This song sounds exactly how you think it would sound.

474. “B—ch I’m Rich”: Lil Boss raps in his Valley-Girl voice, which is really disconcerting since according to Lil B, the main thing that rich people have is lots of strippers surrounding them at all times. He says he’s positive, and then in the next line says that one of his friends will kill the listener if he asks them to.

475. “Someone’s Watching”: With a title like this, you would assume that this song would sample the theme song to a mid-eighties James Bond movie starring Roger Moore at his most wooden and middle-aged. And you would be correct. We start with Lil B saying, “I feel like someone’s watching,” and then he very quickly veers off into the different ways that someone could watch something, including through windows, before just repeating all the things that you think about when you’re stoned and think someone is watching you.

476. “Imma Remain Real”: Is this a lullaby? Oh wow, he is mad about animals now. I guess it is a lullaby if you are a human, otherwise it is a threat.

477. “Don’t Do It”: Elton John sample on the beat. Freestyle off the dome. You know it. Apparently, there are many things that Lil B would not like to do, including not get money and not be surrounded by strippers.

478. “Electric Girls (Remix)”: HOT electro beat. It’s pretty clear that for a lot of these songs Lil B is just rapping into his macbook over songs that he likes. Is that crazy or genius? Either way I’m pretty sure he is sampling 3OH!3.

479. “Spray That”: Before clicking play, let’s play the “What is this song going to be about?” game. Will “Spray That” be (a) a clumsy sexual euphimism, (b) a song about shooting automatic weapons, or (c) a song about spraying a hose on something? Oops, it’s (d) none of the above, it’s a song with Young L, his fellow member of The Pack and it’s about how awesome they are.

480. “I Ain’t Neva Been A B—ch”: We start with an electro beat that is at least 35% louder than everything else on this mixtape, and surprise surprise, this is actually pretty great. Lil B will never stop, that is for certain. Best New $wagger.

481. “Case”: A case of what, exactly? That question is never answered.

482. “WolfPack Party”: Remember The Pack, that rap group that had the song about how they had Vans on their feet? Well, in case you forgot, Lil B was in The Pack! This is actually a Pack song, and Pack songs are never very interesting because it’s like Lil B feels he has to restrain himself in order to run with the rest of the (very bland) Pack. I will say, however, that his fellow Packmate Young L recently came out with a really hilarious song that wasn’t misogynistic at all (it was very misogynistic).

483. “I Cry”: Probably the first rap song about how it’s okay to cry.

484. “Stuck Up B—ch”: Probably the millionth rap song about having a stuck-up girlfriend. I liked the song about crying better.

485. “Dun Roy (Remix)”: Whoa, did someone call the cops? Nope, it’s just the beat. I’m glad that Lil B chose to censor himself on a solid tenth of these songs, because I am definitely considering playing this track on the radio at some point.

486. “Check This”: At last, the return of the Lil B who just kind of rambles about being a robot! I honestly like this version of Lil B better than the Lil B who tries really hard to rap, because he does the pretending-to-be-a-robot thing better than anyone else, but I’m pretty sure if you gave me two weeks of practice I could be a better rapper than Lil B.

487. “See Me On 16”: Lil B rhymes the word “Jetsons” with “Jetsons”, then helpfully reminds the listener that he doesn’t dance, he raps. After 98 songs of this, there was some confusion. Still, this song is pretty awesome. This sounds like the future, and Lil B definitely knows it. Maybe he actually is a robot. I would totally believe it at this point. Based New Music.

488. “N—gas Learned”: Since this song has “learn” in its title, it seems a good time to ask myself: what have I learned? What has listening to 99 Lil B songs in a row taught me, other than I never want to listen to 99 Lil B songs in a row ever again? I have learned that it is possible to spend a Friday night sitting in relative silence with your friends listening to Lil B songs. I guess I have learned to love Lil B, but mainly I have learned that doing any task for six hours without a break is pretty terrible. Hope you like Chris’s reviews. He’s up next.

Chris Clayman and Drew Millard

489. “I Can’t Stop”: M83 plays backup band and B goes through his mind-blowing double-time-freestyle midway through this two-minute track. Those final seconds of vocals are convincing proof that Little B is actually Tom Verlaine.

490. “Neon Legend BasedGod”: B calls forth the Twelve Tribes Of #based. Dope tracks like this, so aware of their (super-compressed MySpace sound quality) grandiosity, prove that B could actually gather the masses together for some sort of thousand-year reign. Messianic proof: “I don’t even know if I’m a rapper anymore”; “Yeah b—ch I’m not an alien, bueebt I’m not on Earth”; “Don’t say to me that I’m not like a prophesy”; “I’m here to save you”; “I’m like Spike Lee”; “brrrraannng on your face.”

491. “Not Even Even”: B’s vacation to the Caribbean brings out some of his worst tendencies. He’s not just violent and misogynist; he’s culturally insensitive. Haitian and Dominican women are no different than the Americans Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze, Lacey Duvall, and so on. Please, ladies, don’t bore B your beautiful, multi-generational cultural heritage, just “show your t—s,” thank you.

492. “I’m Still A Dog”: A meditative freestyle over a luring guitar line. B feels like dog with a tail, chasing it backwards and backwards. History is cyclical; Lil B is the Hegelian conception of natural history, running “back ‘n forth, still a dog.”

493. “I Been Wayyveyy”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. Although this song might as well be called “I Been Wayne-vy”, it still has the back-to-roots, old school (circa 2008) feel I’ve been looking for. Wind chimes y’all.

494. “All Day, All Night (Remix)”: Whenever he hears ‘80s electro, B tries his best Tom Verlaine impression again. BasedGod is most vulnerable in these quiet moments. Moments that make us pause and wonder what it really means to create.

495. “Turn My Swag On B—ch”: SO F—KING YEAH. WOW now B goes on half-assault with a half-assed freestyle. Can’t you plan out your verse a little? Like draw a roadmap or something? Brainstorm? Shouldn’t you know what the hell you want to talk about before you turn on the microphone?

496. “Playboy”: ‘Lil B discovers stereo sound. More electro. Why does BasedGod have to sound like he’s in an echo chamber on EVERY TRACK? I heard you the first time, B.

497. “God Of Myspace”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. The cat’s out of the bag: “BASED freestyle is a role playing game on a whole ‘nother level, think anime.” This is the word of the BASED, thanks be to BASEDGOD.

498. “Revenge Of The Nerds”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. It’s good to know that even nerds who love math AND addition can still “f—k mad b—ches.” The last half of this song is on some higher level. B is the most confident nerd I’ve ever met. No soul can match his study ability, his time management, his ways with women, and his use of online pornography.

499. “The Water”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. Lil B’s response to the Beach Boys’ “Cool Cool Water” invites all of us to become one with the elements. It is better than any drug because it “cleans our liver.” Ends with a wonderful male/female indie-rock vocal.

500. “ProBased Demigod”: FINALLY SOME PLOT! O Captain, my Captain. Lil B deals with some poltergeist (BASEDdemigod) who takes over his soul. This would be so killer in the middle of an album—like the demigod controls the bizzaro second half of the album. This mixtape holds twice as many tracks as there were episodes of Lost. This was the perfect chance for a serialized good vs. evil rap story!

501. “How I Feel”: BUT we go back to regular BASEDGOD with no explanation. It is becoming more and more difficult as a reviewer to piece together a half-assed narrative from the song order. Did Lil B sit down and seriously plot out this tracklist? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

502. “Close To Nothing”: The best part is when Lil B lets the jam play out at the end. Samples like these always anticipate whiny woe-is-me verses (a la Drake, forever unable to handle the ‘pressures’ of fame). It’s a relief that ‘Lil B remains pompous as ever in spite of the beat. He doesn’t take the bait.

503. “Based Till The Death”: Perhaps Lil B records his BASEDfreestyles before he creates his beat. He never sounds completely in tune with his production (in mood but sometimes also in rhythm). Luckily, this track gives B a chance to get “ambient’ (aka screw around with his Casio) and say a lil BASEDprayer. To Lil B, strings = religion.

504. “Go Crahayzzzzzzzzzz”: Lil B uses vocal delay like Tupac and Jay-Z used the double-track: it’s his trademark, but also his crutch. But we reap what we sow, no? Our actions and our words follow us into the future, echo and echo, until death. Right, Lil B, RIGHT?

505. “If You’re Really Based”: This is a real stylistic switch to a deeper BASEDmeditation. Reggae transmissions from outer space. To be BASED is to be fearless, to know BASED, to go to BASEDworld and never come back.

506. “A Mac’s Better”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$ If Lil B was my fraternity brother, this is how he’d get us ready for our ‘Iced Out’ Party.

507. “On A Lake (Remix)”: Okay, so Lil B is in fact a Bizarro-World Eminem. “On A Lake” is “Lose Yourself’ for after the rap battles, when everyone starts aiming for the king. “One BASElife to live.” -my epitaph.

508. “In The Mountains”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. The high-volume online mixtape gives rappers a chance to respond directly to their idols. Given how often Lil B uses Weezy beats suggests that he feels somehow indebted to Lil Wayne.

509. “Based Demi Robots”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. Not even Lil B is sure of his own mythology. According to this track: The BASED Demi Robots are the decepticons who want to take over BASEDworld (see: the Blue Meanies in Sgt. Pepper’s, Sir Nose D’Voidoffunk in Funkentelechy Vs. The Placebo Syndrome). They are controlled by BASEDdemiGOD. Luckily, BASEDGOD summons Captain66 to help fight the BASED Demi Robots with positive energy. May he bring peace and prosperity to BASEDworld once again.

510. “Samantha (Remix)”: This is the second “letter” to Samantha, and Lil B has lost track of her. Echoes of “where are you?” “who are you?” and “what is you?” are the questions all of us hopeless romantics ask of all loves. B claims later that Samantha is “every girl” in the universe apparently. “There’s a story behind every story” should be added to the next edition of Chicken Soup for the #BASEDsoul.

511. “It’s Me”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. This is the beat from “Still D.R.E.” by Dr. Dre. This may be one of the few tracks where Lil B did a little pre-freestyle preparation, which in a crop of half-assed tracks makes this a standout. He even gives the track a chance to play out. No cold ending! A+!

512. “Tune B Flow”: Time for a MIDI sample! I’ve always loved the low quality of MIDI music, and I think it fits well with the low quality verse of whoever guests on this track.

513. “Cut Me Deep”: This track has a charming soul sample that Lil B no doubt took from somebody else. I’m noticing that B signs off most of his tracks with a shout out to the fact that he has 100 MySpace pages. He’s proud of his output, the sheer volume of his work. But at what point does he start losing track of all of this? If I were to walk up to Lil B tomorrow and ask him about “Cut Me Deep”, would he know what I was talking about?

514. “I’m Ready”: Bootsy Collins has recorded some of the sexiest music to be put through speakers, and it is good to hear Lil B tap into his sexual side (God knows we haven’t seen enough of it yet). In this case, however, B is trying to take it a step further and arrange a ménage à trois.

515. “Hunned Million B—ch”: Lil B keeps repeating “hunned million” like he’s trying to tell us something Very Important. Is it the number of tracks he hopes to record in his lifetime? Is it the secret password to the Illuminati headquarters? Is it a real number?

516. “Video Game Master”: This track is proof that Lil B is just lifting his beats and samples from youtube. The track opens with a European radio announcer announcing a club-themed 8-bit Nintendo track (Lil B accounts for the vocal sample by claiming “I’m overseas.”). This reminds Lil B of video games, and honestly I can’t think of a better time for B to list his entire game collection.

517. “Sorry I Coughed”: Apology accepted!

518. “So Droded (Remix)”: Lil B reminds us here that he has been high this entire time. A quick Google search of “droded” leads me to Dr. Oded Preis, MD. He does pediatrics, and Lil B may or may not have been his patient.

519. “Only Go Up”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. Another great electro beat, a genre that works really well with B’s style. “I don’t even rap no more/I’m not even a rapper/Another artist/Somethin/Somebody else/teleport to another world through my mouth/through my brain/into your life/and show you BASEDworld/is a whole nother step from the right”

520. “Am I A Rapper Anymore?”: “Am I a Rapper Anymore?” is one of Lil B’s notorious ‘ambient’ tracks. Crickets fill the spaces between Casio soft synth pads. This track is remarkable not for what it says but for what it fails to say. There is absolutely no content in here even though Lil B talks for over two minutes.

521. “It’s Alright (Remix)”: Seriously, this is killing me. This is just melancholy piano track with philosophical meandering. Call me a #based demi robot but I’m still having trouble getting a grip on what Lil B means by #based. In a way I feel like it’s trying to explain what God looks like. We will stay forever in Plato’s cave, with vain attempt to describe the shadows of BASEDworld.

522. “Go Dumb”: Ironically one of the smartest tracks I’ve heard from Lil B sets him loose over a faster electronic beat that reminds me of DAT Politics and Chicks on Speed. The best part is the forty seconds of “Go! Go! Go!” in the middle. It’s good to hear that Lil B is happy again. In addition (and for future reference), “go dumb” is slang for oral sex.

523. “What That Mouf Do?”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. After a long day out in BASEDworld, Lil B has one thing on his mind when he gets home. This song is a dedication to all things oral, coupled with a recital of ‘Angie’s a Freak’ in the tune of ‘This Old Man’.

524. “Never Speak”: Quentin Crisp once said that “It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.” After 70 of these songs I really understand what it means to be free.

525. “A Cat’s Heart”: BEST NEW SWAGGER$. “I’m sly like a cat’s heart,” states Lil B in one of his rare mystic moments. We learn that Lil B is a Leo and therefore a cat in the jungle. “Above the rubbish/above the hustling/there’s always struggle.” Then Lil B invites us to buys his albums and meet him in person so he can “personally knight” us.

526. “Coffee Shop”: Casio ambience underlies a doomsday post-BASED scenario. Something about the number 7.

527. “WestCoast Boyz”: “WestCoast Boyz” feels like the dreamscape of BASEDworld; see all #based men and women by the ocean, see them play with their bouncy balls, see Lil B fly overhead towards the clouds and the stars.

528. “Sherbert Flerbert”: Drew here, taking the rock from Chris for a few tracks. He says this is the remix, but the remix to what exactly? This is cool though, ambient and thumbsnaps. His mom is the only person in the universe who can provide him with information. Is he trying to say he was homeschooled?

529. “I’m On You”: I think that Lil B is confusing “Dubstep” with “Dub” music, because one has bass that goes WOWOWOWOW and the other is reggae music. Lil B shows that there is no such thing as genre by rapping over this beat using a fake patois.

530. “I Been Ready”: Is this a Strokes sample? Never mind, no I think this is 30 Seconds to Mars.

531. “Can’t Stop (Remix)”: Lil B is yelling about how he is a rock. To be fair he did just say he was not a rapper, so it makes sense that he would be something else.

532. “Enter BasedWorld”: In order to enter BasedWorld, you must be tall enough to have consensual sex with Lil B.

533. “Stranger In My House”: Oh no, Based God! Who is in your house! Oh wait, IT IS A METAPHOR THE STRANGER IS LIL B BECAUSE HE DOES NOT KNOW HIMSELF.

534. “Hunned Thousand BasedLord”: Organs, references to basketball, one of those beats that B probably made himself. I wonder if he’s ever tried selling beats; I’m pretty sure that Young L did all the beats for The Pack.

535. “I’m On My D—k”: Undue gravitas in this beat despite the fact that he raps, “I’m on my d—k like Digorno.” Is this a metaphor for how he does not deliver?

536. “In A Hearst”: While he’s actually rapping about being in a hearse, I prefer to think that Lil B is rapping about appearing in a magazine published by the Hearst corporation. I see you, Seventeen!

537. “Money In The Walls (Remix)”: Is he rapping over the Judge Judy theme music? “I’m out at sea like an otter.” Lil B, zoology is REALLY not your thing.

538. “My Chariot’s On Fire”: YESSSS he is now rapping over the theme music to “Chariots of Fire”! Obviously this is Best New $wagger.

539. “Ready for Battle”: B on his Russell Crowe swagger right now; after having listened to nearly two hundred Lil B songs in seven days you start thinking that you’re hearing secret messages in these songs, but really he’s just saying the same stuff over again. Nice indie rock sample, though. Brandon, your Pitchfork game is proper.

540. “Still Shooting”: We’re really in an ambient lull, here. Nice angelic chorus backing up B’s anger about the rap game not having any screws to hold it together.

541. “Twamp Sac God”: Aaaand, back to the fake patois. I miss Lil B the ambient rap pioneer. It’s really remarkable, though, that Lil B thought to combine ambient music with rap; it’s a combination that really adds a weight to stuff that would just otherwise be nonsense.

542. “Welcome to BasedWorld (Remix)”: And another freestyle over a Lil Wayne beat. He REALLY loves Weezy; he kind of reminds me of the prolific nature of the mixtape Weezy crossed with the disappointment that comes along with album Wayne.

543. “Why Do The Rappers Always Shoot?”: “I’ve officially gone crazy.” Maybe. OR IS LIL B THE MOST SANE MAN ALIVE???

544. “Already”: Nice banging snap beat here; B wanting to let you know he does not play. I saw a picture of Lil B on the internet; he looked really ripped for a short dude. What if he was actually straightXXXedge and was playing with all of us? I honestly would not put it past him.

545. “Green Lion”: This song is thematically similar to “I Am A Bird Now,” which is an ambient track where Lil B raps about how he is now a bird for a couple lines and then just starts talking about whatever he feels like. Lil B figured out what the people wanted and skipped straight past the part about being a green lion into the talking about nonsense.

546. “Hip Hop”: This is the rap equivalent of calling your song “Rock And Roll Music,” so you better bring your best over some heat. This beat sounds like it was produced before B was born, and he is eighty percent in tune with this beat. I feel like I am a bad rap critic for not recognizing. Oh wait, it’s a Marley Marl song. Oh hell. Maybe it isn’t.

547. “Sherbert Flerbert (Remix)”: Really a remarkable reggae beat and another fake patois. At this point he kind of knows what goes on in Jamaica in that he says the phrase “Rude Boy,” which definitely originated in Jamaica. But he goes in and out of the patois seemingly at random, but I think we both know that Lil Boss knows what he’s doing and we’re just too stupid to keep up. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE.

548. “You’re A Snitch”: Rapping over Kid Cudi’s “Day N Nite.” Lil B proves that he has taken classes in logic and rhetoric from the bungee when he sings, “You’re a snitch/I know about you because you’re a b—ch.” I refuse to listen to any arguments about how Lil B doesn’t know any other words that rhyme with “snitch.”

549. “Die With The Sun”: When I was a kid, I always wanted to live forever, but then I realized immortality would kind of suck. You’ve got to let go sometime, y’know? Not according to Lil B over this ambient track. Oh wait, he just told critics to kiss his ass. But we gave you a 10.0, Lil B!

550. “Freshest N—ga Alive”: SNAP! Rapping over “My Love” by Justin Timberlake HOW DO YOU MESS THAT UP??? This song depresses me, not in the way that the song about how Lil B was a street depressed Kate, but it depresses in the way that Lil B did not even try on this one despite the fact that he was rapping over a legitimate candidate for song of the 2000s. It was almost like he was just trying to mark his territory over the beat by placing his voice over it.

551. “Life’s Playground”: Oh no, the captain is by himself! He’s out of drugs, which is probably good considering the kids playing in the background over his ambient synths. I really like the idea of Lil B rapping on a playground somewhere. Who’s down to help me raise a hunned thousand dollaz to buy Lil B a combination playground/studio/Taco Bell?

552. “That’s A Boppin’ B—ch”: I was afraid he was going to squander this beat like he did on “Freshest N—ga Alive,” but instead he rips this beat a new one for like a whole minute before he gives up and starts memorializing DJ Screw and then yells profanities. I think this is a Neptunes beat.

553. “Help Myself”: Listening to lots and lots of Lil B makes me having really weird thoughts. Not like dark thoughts or anything, but weird thoughts nonetheless. I just had the mental image of Lil B’s face on a shark for no reason. I’m writing this at 5 at the morning, and listening to this song made me feel slightly afraid.

554. “My Tree”: Oh sweet, this is a conversation that Lil B is having with his drug dealer, except he is also pretending to be his drug dealer. Most importantly this is a sample of a Bruce Haack song. Haack was one of the unsung heroes of electronic music; he was the second person to ever use a Vocoder to sing. Did you guys know that Steview Wonder once wsa on Sesame Street?

555. “Positive Talk”: I am really inspired right now. INSPIRED TO CHANGE THE SONG, HEY-O. I would like to formally apologize for making that joke. Sorry y’all.

556. “A Real Woman”: If Lil B is looking for a real woman, why does he spend so much time on the internet?

557. “Where Have I Floated?”: Ambient song about Lil B doing pot.

558. “Hunned Million B—ch”: Whoa! We’ve got a crazy early-‘80s electro beat on here, with young Based God yelling “I don’t give a f—k” over again. Oh wait, this is the “Beverly Hills Cop” theme song!

559. “Is That Your Bop?”: Never is the question of the identity of the “Bop” answered. Best New $wagger.

560. “Very Nice”: “You know what I’m saying.” Honestly, B, I do not.

561. “I Can’t Sleep”: This song is actually beautiful. He is rapping over a song that is by a band who is pretending to be Radiohead. I hate it.

562. “Bloom”: Cool name! Sounds like an electronic banshee. There’s some sort of harmonized humming over marching drumbeats. I use the word “ethereal” a lot, but it’s actually appropriate here. It ends with stuttering, just as it began. SO MEANINGFUL.

563. “Push It”: Rapping over “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa. This song is about having sexual intercourse, except he runs out of stuff to say halfway through.

564. “Sleep Forever”: I thought he couldn’t sleep though? Oh, this song is about death.

565. “Suck My Motherf—kin’ D—k”: This song is very profane. The beat utilizes a House sample with a vague Jungle vibe. The song’s subject matter raises the very interesting question of whether or not Lil B is rapping about acting out adolescent power fantasies, or does he just think like this?

566. “Trapped In The 80’s (Remix)”: Robot + the 1980’s + Based Freestyle = MOAR ROBOTS. For some reason, Lil B equates the 1980’s with robots. Maybe he associates the 1880’s with Steampunk.

567. “Just A Robot”: If you were hoping for a song rapped from the perspective of the Tin Man, then you stand to be disappointed.

568. “Money Over B—ches”: STILL trapped in the ‘80s? This is too much, bro. I think that just means he found a song from the ‘80s and is rapping over it.

569. “Robots Forever”: See “Just A Robot.”

570. “Someone Loves Me”: The concept of this song is that Lil B has had some sort of drugs slipped into his drink. He really sounds like he’s on drugs right now. Ambient sample of a computer saying, “I love you” over and over. Is this a metaphor? I’m too tired to understand anymore.

571. “Waterfront S—t”: WHOA. New hotness from B! This knocks, bruh. Predictably, it is about strippers.

572. “Andre Carter”: Who is Andre Carter? Google says he’s an NFL player. I was going to give this Best New $wagger but instead I am sad. This song makes me miss my girlfriend.

573. “Blind Spot”: Is he rapping over Arcade Fire again? Wait, no this is another indie rock band. For a music critic I know laughably little about indie rock.

574. “I Need A B—ch”: Blown out vocals match the filth of the subject matter. I wonder if Lil B has ever met a girl IRL (in real life), because most of the girls I know would not find this song endearing.

575. “The Movie”: LOVE IT when B segues from like three songs about strippers to an introspective joint about his sorrows. “This movie will never stop.” THIS MIXTAPE WILL NEVER STOP. At least this one was short.

576. “Was I Human?”: Implying that he is a robot. Check. Do you guys know about greentext? Here check this out: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=greentext

577. “Alright Daddy”: A song about a consensual sexual encounter. Despite all of the misogyny in his lyrics, I get the feeling that Lil Boss is probably a sweetheart.

578. “Go B—ch”: Oh wait, never mind. Back to Chris.

579. “No My Face”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. This is the first time I’ve heard Lil B actually pay attention to the beat he is using. He plays with it on this track, and doesn’t try to fight it. This turns into an amazing banger with the vocal sample at the end.

580. “On My Life”: An urgent horn-laden track with some solid freestyle. Everything to be get is to be got, you know? All the rest is ‘Arkansilly’.

581. “My Baby”: Now in electro world, B shouts out to another lovely lady. Like many of these tracks, he’s barely on the mic, as if he just stepped in the room to share a thought or two, take a sip of Hennesey, then quickly left to let the song finish. Nonetheless a lovely, splendid beat (dope).

582. “No My Face”: $BEST NEW SWAGGER$. This is the first time I’ve heard Lil B actually pay attention to the beat he is using. He plays with it on this track, and doesn’t try to fight it. This turns into an amazing banger with the vocal sample at the end.

583. “Ski Mask”: The original “Ski Mask” is much more reflective than its remix, yet follows the mask ‘motif’. There’s a real desperation here; B wants to prove himself, stop putting on the mask and be who he really wants to be. Is Lil B, at his core, a drugged-up misogynist, or a poetic chilled-out optimist? Ski Mask and its remix seem to be in real philosophical battle with each other.

584. “Ski Mask (remix)”: ‘Lil B has a conversation with himself over the radio, incredibly hyphy beat. The ski mask covers B’s inner id (voiced over the radio), shields his true identity. He claims that he’s not Pistol Pete, definitive proof that he “didn’t shoot the pistol”.

585. “Kiss (Interlude) Lyrics”: Lil B speaks about how awesome he is and how he does whatever he wants, ala the based lifestyle. Beat is just a piano slowly playing, highlighting his voice and nonsensical lyrics.

586. “68 (Ed. Is this a title or is it nothing?)” Lil B talks about how he contradicts himself and how he doesn’t care about it. He also makes “hoo” noises periodically. Beat is a Waka Flocka song, I think, and has a nice guitar playing through it.

587. “Welcome to BasedGod”: He talks about bases, then rhymes it with the word “faces.” He croaks his way through the song, yet still manages to call himself a “muggle in the game.” The beat is very European dance club plus ethereality.

588. “Walking through the Trees”: He raps about his jeans for a while, and how they need oxygen, just like the trees. He then talks about doing a girl underneath the trees, and how relaxing walking through the leaves is. The beat is very gentle and soothing.

589. “Walking on the Moon”: Lil B welcomes us to space, and then croons the phrase “space free on me” for several seconds. Lil B claims that he has to walk on the moon in order to get away from regular people who don’t understand him. The beat is echoey and moonlike.

590. “X.L.R.”: He keeps just saying that he’s “X L R ing,” which I can only assume is extra larging? Okay never mind I just looked it up and it’s a Cadillac, which makes much more sense. He rhymes the words “poop” and “coupe”, so this song is okay in my book. The beat is very 80’s, reminds me of Beverly Hills Cop.

591. “You a Bop”: This song is extremely sexual in nature, and involves Lil B discussing how to find a girl that will appropriately service the members of his group. The beat gets me hype, it’s very bouncy and plinky.

592. “Xlrin”: Once again a reference to riding in Cadillacs. The quality of the song is really bad, like he recorded it several feet away from the microphone. The subject is mostly about how much balling he gets done over the course of a day, involving the ladies, cars, and drugs.

593. “Wake Up, Mr. Flowers (Remix)”: I have no idea who Mr. Flowers is, but Lil B is entreating him to wake up. The beat reminds me of ambient noises from video games, very soft and effusive music.

594. “You Slut”: I think you can guess what this song is about. Lil B is not very kind to this particular young woman, I can’t imagine what she did. My favorite line was “Yes, my mustache is perfect.” The beat was unremarkable, but Lil B yelled a bunch of “hoos” over the track, and the phrase is starting to ingrain itself in my mind.

595. “90’s Music”: He sings about being a Leo, which is a nice thing to know about Lil B. Why is this song called “90’s Music” again? Most of the song is incomprehensible because of the beat, which is really odd, very ephemeral and fuzzy, like if the dude from Washed Out started selling crack.

596. “Front Street”: This song is very slow paced, and he talks about having to slow down his roll. He calls himself a millionaire for millionaires, which is hilarious. He just talks really slow and discusses long, slow things. The beat is a scattered piano beat which bounces and echoes around the song.

597. “Walking Home”: This song really reminds me of Lil Wayne on the Carter Two, which makes sense because Lil B is a more banal version of Weezy F.

598. “WolfPack”: Lil B really likes rapping over guitars, and I can’t figure out what the reasoning behind this move is. Maybe it’s a post-beats outlook? Is post-beats even a thing? If it is, then Lil B certainly is the master of it. Very sparse song that just talks about how him and his boys are in a wolf pack together.

599. “We On The Grind”: Discusses how people who thought he wasn’t going to accomplish anything were wrong. Calls himself Beezy, which is awesome. The chorus, “WE ON THE GRINDDDDD,” is delivered off-key and from multiple voices, which fractures the song and displays a multiplicity of narrative voices, an interesting post-modern rap technique.

600. “Why Am I So Nasty”: The beat makes me think of a Lil Jon song, and he even mentions him in the beginning. I learned a new euphemism for female sex organs in this song also. Peep the song title, you already know what this song is about.

601. 2005 Freestyle: YESSSS LIL B IS DOING A SONG OVER “FIREMAN” BY LIL WAYNE. I really like how much he pays homage to Weezy, both in his beats and his actual lyrical content. Also if you didn’t know Lil B reps Berkley, hard, and he talks about how he’ll beat your ass if you’re from “the front,” which seems to be a West Berkley reference that I don’t understand.

602. “2006 (Skit)”: Crazy beeps and boops for the beat. An incomprehensible phone call is playing in the background, and Lil B is listening to it and laughing. He seems happy in the end, but I couldn’t understand the call at all, so who knows really. Seems like a pointless song, but ultimately what Lil B song isn’t inherently pointless?

603. “A Place 4 Everything”: The beat is something Common would have rapped over fifteen years ago. He talks about video games and how he likes stealing songs from people. He also refers to a thread that I’ve observed in these songs, that Lil B is all about equality and talking about how everyone is the same. He ends the song singing the phrase “I got another word for you: medulla.” Nuff said.

604. “A Rough Painting”: “This is a base relaxation.” He discusses how all other rappers are doing the same thing, but that he’s on “other land.” Describes how making this song makes him think of painting. The beat is very discordant, with a sharp guitar that sounds like it should be in a Zorro movie being plucked in the background.

605. “A-Wall- Part 2”: The beat is the horn section from the beginning of Jay-Z’s “Roc Boys” playing in a recursive loop, which is hypnotically awesome. Lil B uses the word “doi.” He says that girls got hot butts, which made me giggle for a while.

606. “Based 2006 Freestyle”: Simple piano, very sinister, and it sounds like a beat I’ve heard before but can’t place. The range of these songs are incredible, he goes from rapping about getting on his spaceship to knocking people’s teeth out to how ill he is spitting his trill words. This song is mostly about killing people, but he does it in really creative ways.

607. “Based A Cappellas For You”: An a capella song. He uses the N word a lot on this song, and then he refers to how his cousins taught him how to cook up and freeze his onions, which I assumed, from the other fifty songs I’ve listened to, were actual onions. A quick look at Urban Dictionary learned me different, onion refers to an ounce of cocaine. My bad.

608. “Based Elixir”: Starts out the song talking about ether, which supports his base attitude. Having read Hunter S. Thompson, I’m vaguely aware of how ridiculous this drug is supposed to be. This is mostly what this song is about, how Berkley is the only place you can get ether, and that this makes Berkley more base than any other place. Then he yells “computer words” over and over again.

609. “Based For Life- Part 3”: Beezy just talks about how his life is really fun and how he’s going to stay base for life, and how he’s not even on drugs (not true) but that he’s high as the clouds. Beat is very triumphant, makes me want to say the word “resounding,” if that makes sense.

610. “Based in Dallas”: This is about how base he is in Texas, and Dallas, more specifically. The beat is very sleepy, plodding and jerky. He mostly just yells about how’s based up in Dallas.

611. “Based in Miami”: See last song, change Dallas to Miami and Texas to Florida.

612. “Based Music Tonight”: Seems like this is a song for the ladies. It’s very short and Lil B just croons mostly.

613. “Based Ranch”: Beat reminds me of Inception, the sounds are very overwhelming and ominous. Calls himself the Space God. Also, not to sound like I’m complaining about writing about this guy, but these songs are really hard to describe. They’re all about nothing and everything, which is why you really just have to listen to them for yourself, almost every single song has a quote or phrase that will draw you in.

614. “BasedGod In The Studio”: Cool swirly horn sounds, like Dr. Seuss on acid, which is saying something. Lil B talks about splitting, ripping, seeing things different, which is a motif that Lil B draws on a lot.

615. “Bitch I’m B”: Beat is that song “I’m Me” by Lil Wayne, which I love. Talks about where he keeps his money, and this ranges from his mattress, dressers, and even in his poop. “You better get runny like water, I have you n—gas running like water,” which gets said right after he talks about tossing people like salad, noting of course that he himself does not toss salad. I love this guy.

616. “Bitches- Part 3”: The beat is a recognizable song, I don’t know what it is but I think I heard it on the Drought 3, which doesn’t help at all, but it’s sinister as all get out regardless. He says the phrase “gold-mouthed daddy with Van’s on his feet” with regards to himself, so I’m in love with this song.

617. “Bonnie and Clyde”: Very eerie beat. Thought this was going to be that one Jay-Z/Beyonce joint, but it’s just about the kind of girl Lil B wants. He wants a “ride or die chick.” Most of the lyrics are unprintable, but it’s actually kind of touching, in that he just wants a smart girl who will support him.

618. “Booty Bounce”: Opens with a deep voice saying “Booty bounce, that booty bounce.” Hilarious. This is mostly just a song you can grind to, the lyrics are pretty nothing, hence the title, I think. He also says he raps “in ice cream.”

619. “Boy Boy”: “Lil B for lil boys” is a phrase that gets yelled a lot in these songs. He talks about how he wants to have sex with a several girls in varying degrees of baseness. His tone of voice is very shocked; he’s screaming in a way that almost sounds desperate and haunted. Now he’s just saying “boy” over and over again with increasing oddness.

620. “Business Before Pleasure”: OH MY GOD this beat is a First Nation (we here at Reese News are nothing if not politically correct) flute or pipe loop playing over and over. I love it. Beezy uses the phrase “Ethan Hawking them.” Decides that investing money in himself is the best investment he could make, and I agree with him, I may buy a few shares of Lil B when he inevitably decides to make himself a public company, because that makes no sense. I think my words are starting to make as little sense as these songs, so I apologize to you, dear reader.

621. “Captain Jack”: This beat reminds me of that song “Blue.” It’s very hectic 90’s dance music. I don’t really have much to say about this song, he doesn’t really rap and just lets the beat go on and on.

622. “Car Full B—ches”: He is not having this car full of bitches, he just wants them to be on various parts of him. Says the phrase “smoking like a blunt, you might have to ash me.” I have no idea what this means but it seems like it would be psychologically significant if I was writing a psych thesis about Lil B.

623. “Cash in My Tiny Pants”: Guess what this song is about?!?!? It’s about world peace. Psych! It’s about how much cash he can stuff in his pants. Tricked you.

624. “Cold-Hearted Summer”: He tells his drummer it’s going to be a cold-hearted summer. He then just yells about the weather for a while and how he cares about the thunder that’s happening, then he calms down and uses the word “express” for a while in differing ways. The beat is kind of murky and hard to nail down.

625. “Crown Me King”: Beat is very slanky, a word I just invented that means slinky and skanky. Calls himself a pretty b—ch, a bunch. Interestingly enough he refers to the fact that he has 100 MySpaces, and asks himself why he would do that, and after listening to the equivalent of ten of those MySpaces, I’m asking the same question.

626. “Cyber P—sy”: The self-proclaimed king of the Internet wants to get girls through the computer, “he doesn’t even want to see them.” This song is only about all the girls Lil B picks up using the Internet.

627. “Drifting into Space”: Why does he have so many songs about being in space? Very escapist of him. He notes that he might have to kill some spiders while he’s floating around in space.

628. “Enter the Based”: Lush instrumentals bubble up and surround Lil B’s gloating about his international friends. He also goes into a description of what colors mean to him, which leads me to believe that he’s faking synesthesia.

629. “Freedom”: Seems like he’s rapping from the perspective of someone in Vietnam, talking about jungles and Humvees. Apparently Lil B is an environmentalist because he says we have to love the earth before ourselves, and this goes along with a vaguely positive message that Lil B puts out, except for all those songs where he’s degrading women.

630. “Gone Crazy”: The beat is that one song off the Carter 3 outtakes stuff, or whatever release the song “I’m Me” was also on. Talks about wanting to be Regis. References the Hot Boyz several times, which makes sense seeing as he’s on a Lil Wayne song.

631. “Got You Forever”: Sings about a girl who’s setting him free, then claims that he feels like a statue. Employs the phrase “Started wearing Polo cause of the weather,” and I laughed about it. Calls himself Troy Aikman because “he’s throwing love bombs.”

632. “Heart Merrit Lake Merrit”: This song is all about how he’s going to call a girl and that she better pick up the phone so he can talk to her. Then he describes where he is and tells the girl that they can go to a little tree, it’s very spiritual. He’s very pleased that he’s got a house by a lake. The beat is poppy and makes me think of Paul Simon.

633. “Heartbreak”: Song about a bad breakup that Lil B went through. Uses the word “mine” in several escalating ways. He says he wants a girl with a heart of glass, which doesn’t make any sense to me. Either way he’s pretty upset about all this, and wants up to know he’s experienced several levels of heartbreak.

634. “Hope You Got My Letter”: Seagulls cry in the background, and Lil B has been lost at sea in this song. He just raps a bunch about stuff that has to do with the ocean, and then a sort of country western beat floats up around the lyrics. Hearing mandolins while listening to Lil B is very odd.

635. Hos ain’t S—t: Unfortunately the files got messed up and this is just a copy of the next song. More like techLOLogy, right? (Ed. Word to Kane Price.)

636. “Hunned Thouasand BasedLord (Remix)”: Says the phrase “running like the derby.” Really the best part about Lil B is the variety of things he talks about, this song he touches on lab rats, having a tinted life (?), and being on the block like a teepee, none of which make much sense.

637. “I am a Lion”: This just makes me think of The Lion King, because these lyrics are just about being a lion in the jungle. Lil B gets top shelf hate also, just so everyone knows.

638. “I am the Hood”: Lil B raps from the perspective of the hood, and by that I don’t mean the people of the hood, but the actual, physical hood. Like the streets. Is this a metaphor? “People building houses on my stomach” is a pretty good thing to say. This song is actually really sad, it’s just about all the awful things that happen in the hood. This is all five seasons of The Wire smushed into one song.

639. “I got Pretty B—ches”: This sounds like a Soulja Boy song, because of the lyrical content and also the way he makes his words all long and stuff. Compares himself to a magnet that is attracted to girls. This song is all just about all the things he does with his girls, most of which are unprintable, sorry y’all.

640. “I Sex Myself”: Shouts out all the flyest dudes on the planet. He only talks about how fresh and cool he is. Claims that he has a “big ass brain.” Now he’s just yelling about how small his clothes are, then says he moves like Nyquil.

641. “I Want Money”: The beat is just the words “I want” over and over again in different voices. Just a bunch of adjectives describing how he makes money. He rhymes Lamborghini with fettuccine, so I don’t really think I need to say anything else about this song.

642. “If the World was Mine”: You can tell he’s smoking and talking with smoke still in his mouth, which is just a baller move to make for a rapper. This song is pretty scattered and non sequitur-ish, which makes sense since he started it by blowing smoke into the mic.

643. “I’m a Leader”: Singing over a delicate vocal sample ala Yeezy fits Lil B very well. This could be described as a “meaningfulcore” song, with B talking about sacrifice, being a leader, and how he would give more back. Also I just looked at the song titles that are about to follow, and approximately 76% of them are the coolest things ever. Check it out before you wreck yourself, or whatever that phrase is.

644. “I’m Active”: Probably referring to his incredible musical output over 2010, the title gets yelled at full volume about twenty times throughout the song. Instead of saying anything about that, the song mostly talks about how Lil B would rob people. He references a long lineup of “real robbers” that he’s affiliated with, including Young Josh, Ill Will, Butch, Lil Charles, Young K, Lil Rocky, Lil D, Big Lamar and Sleepy D.

645. “I’m getting’ B—ches”: Soaring crescendo of fragmented strings accompany Lil B’s monk-like chanting of the title, which makes up the majority of this song. The is definitely this line, “Eating calamari, nah b—ch I’m lying, eating on that steak cause you know you I need that iron.” Post hearing this line I immediately tweeted it, that’s how important it was that I share it with the world.

646. “I’m Hustlin’ (Remix)”: Lil B tells us how to “juke b—ches.” I like when he says B-Town, for a second I always think he’s referring to himself and then I realize he means Berkley. Juking is the main subject of this song, other than that I can’t pull much out of it. Sorry y’all.

647. “I’m so Fly – You’re Not”: Lil B makes odd meow/crooning noises during the beginning, then talks about how high, fine, cute, fly, cool and new he is, and how “you” are not. END.

648. “In a Bodega”: Apparently Lil B is in a bodega, and he tells us how it makes him feel as if he’s on the East Coast. Feel like this doesn’t make sense, but will take Lil B’s word for it.

649. “In My Life (Remix)”: Oohs and aahs during the intro part. Distant drums beat and thrumming 80’s noises play in the background. Is this that one scene from Final Fantasy VII? OH SNAP I think this is from Terminator. Also wow this is def #bestnewswag or however we’re doing that micro-meme; this song consists of him making that noise that Lil Wayne has trademarked: the almost otherworldly, stoned out wail. THE ENTIRE THING IS JUST HIM WAILING. Swag.

650. “It’s A Based Freestyle”: This beat is hilarious, it sounds like a fake early 90’s club song. Lil B just croons “This is a based freestyle” over and over again. I’m starting to see a pattern.

651. “Lesbian”: LOLOLOL. Apparently Lil B believes himself to be a lesbian because of all the women he sleeps with. Solid logic, bro. One interesting thing that he does touch on is his tiny pants, a based motif that gets referenced a lot. The fact that he wears and talks about wearing skinny jeans is also one of the reasons why people on the internet think that Lil B is gay, a concept which, regardless of its veracity, seems to make YouTube commenters really angry.

652. “Morning Mr. Magpie”: I could see this track being played during the warm-ups of the most relaxed high school soccer game ever. Evaporates into a sea of rattles and errie splintery noises. Does that make sense? FADE TO WHITE NOISE.

653. “Life is Precious”: Seems like this is going to be one of Lil B’s positive joints, the background vocals are singing about seeing life’s light, or something. Lil B doesn’t even start rapping until like the last 45 seconds, and when he does it’s all sad and stuff. Kind of a boring song overall.

654. “Light Up The Grapes Cuddy:: Grapes are what Lil B calls weed, and this I suppose is due to Lil B smoking grape flavored weed more often than not, which is awesome and jealousy inducing. Describes his bro being “brain high.” This song is only about smoking weed. I guess you should smoke weed while you listen to it, if that’s your thing, not that Critic’s Corner supports that sort of thing. I laughed out loud when I heard the line “I just got a new cat, she’s biting up my leg and s—t, I’m gonna have to beat her ass later. I love my cat though, you feel me? She just a baby.” #bestnewswag

655. “Like This”: The beat for this song is “Break Up” by Mario and Gucci. It’s a really funny to hear Lil B hoot on top of this hypnotic, looping beat. It doesn’t help that Lil B is mostly just saying “I’ma smack your b—ch on the ass like this.”

656. “Lil B’s Workout Plan”: More 80’s-esque beats, with squeals and synth noises introducing a hype Lil B, who’s workout plan seems to involve girls and his bed. He references Gucci’s “Freaky Girl,” which is a song that doesn’t get enough props for its awesomeness.

657. “Martha Stewart”: Hahahahahaha. This song is about how bad Lil B wants a rich girl, to put it in polite terms. I was really hoping it was going to be a song about how he was Martha Stewart, ala “I’m Miley Cyrus” and “I’m Justin Bieber.”

658. “Money in the Rapper”: Any person who can say “tomato paste, tomatoes in your face” is okay in my book. Lil B tells us that he’s just like the banana stand, in that there’s always money in him. #arresteddevelopmentreference.

659. “My Game, My World (Remix)”: This sounds like a Phil Collins song. Lil B gets all deep talking about how everyone’s got money, so guess he’s got to get money too. Perhaps a futilist (not a word) perspective on the pursuit of money and wealth within rap music? Who knows, I think a little bit of Lil B (redundant) has rubbed off on me, which makes my thoughts scattered and stream of consciousness.

660. “My Myspace on Fire”: Lil B picks up a lot of girls on the internet, perhaps because he has like a 150 Myspaces and so has lots of opportunities. Way to get on untapped market, Lil B.

661. “Nike Airs”: I like to think that these Nike Airs are not the shoes, but are more like affectations, like putting on airs. Maybe I’m just running out of things to say, but it seems like this is one of the least interesting songs I’ve heard. It’s just about Lil B entreating girls to lace him up, whatever that means.

662. “Not Enough”: Not even having all the water in the world would be enough for Lil B, or so he claims on this track. He seems to be upset about his lyrical output, and that it isn’t enough, that he’s gotta keep making songs. He announces at the end that he’s leaving the concert, assumedly to make more songs for us to listen to, trying to exorcise the demons of boredom that seem to infest his psyche.

663. “Nothing Wrong”: Speaking of brain demons, this song seems like it displays some weaknesses of Lil B, he speaks about thinking he’s crazy and that there is something wrong with him, despite what his mind tells him, which is a contradiction of sorts, at least in my book. Can’t tell if he’s kidding or is actually being honest here, or if either of those things matter.

664. “Online”: CLUB BANGER Y’ALL. Light pan flutes sprinkled over rattling bass. Says he’s “pooping booty” at one point, a phrase that I’m going to steal, obviously. Song descends into him chanting “shake that, pop that.”

665. “Oprah Winfrey”: Similarly to “Martha Stewart”, this is just a song about how Lil B wants a rich girl, this time the girl in question is Oprah. He dreams about having a backyard with a lake and a boat, strangely enough this is my dream as well. He also refers to Oprah as being fine and thick, and then talks about “looking at her bosoms.” LIL B FACT: he’s a member of Oprah’s Book Club. I wonder what Lil B’s thoughts are on Jonathan Franzen?

666. “Out of Control”: Lil B does not do much rapping in this song, it’s mostly the vocal sampling doing the work for him, which is whatever. Pretty meh song. Not out of control.

667. “Pick Up the Phone”: Rain trickles in the background while Lil B begs a girl to answer the phone. B sings in slow motion about really, really wanting this girl to pick up the phone. Lil B oscillates from trying to get 32 girls into his tiny pants to being rap’s Michael Cera w/r/t girls.

668. “Pullin’ AllNighters”: GRIND TIME. Sadly this is not about being on his exam grind, this is about a crazy night that he’s having in B-Town, and about the fact that he stays up all night rapping and coming up with dumb things to rap about.

669. “Push”: SPACE/DANCE BEATS. This song is mostly nonsense. He’s looking for a “beezy to tease me.”

670. “Rawest Rapper Alive (Remix)”: Damn, this is a really good song. He just pops off a bunch of references, including Captain Crunch, Bob Marley, “running through cribs like MTV ads” that demonstrate the myriad knowledge and flows of Lil B.

671. “Real Talk”: Lil B demonstrates that flow that Lil Wayne can sometimes tap into, where each of his words seem choppy and jerky yet still perfectly weighted and measured, each word rhyming or not in a purposefully inane pure stream of consciousness flow.

672. “Shut Up”: I’ll bet this is a song about the haters, or actually it’s about dumb girls that get all up in Lil B’s face and try to sleep with him. Must be awful.

673. “Smoke Break – Part 1”: SMOKING ON THE TRACK, LITERALLY AND FIGUREATIVELY. “Finna tell time like clock towers” is a pretty good line. Also he keeps taking smoke breaks during the song.

674. “Smoking Young Blunts (Remix)”: Seems like he’s rapping over a chillwave song. He sort of becomes lost in the swelling notes, maybe this is the point, to resemble the feeling of getting high and letting one’s mind dissolve into music. Not that I’d know anything about that. Best line: “Smoked a couple blunts, hit the f—king frats up.”

675. “So Based”: Apparently, being a Based God allows Lil B to see thing in different dimensions, or so he claims on this song. Says that the earth has chocolate chip cookies coming out of it, which is so surrealistically fun I just can’t stop imagining it happening. “Cheerios, bring me o’s” is just such a good sentiment. This guy is SO quotable.

676. “Somebody”: Wonky, eerie voices that stutter the word “somebody,” and then dubsteppish effects explode over the track. All I could get from this is that Lil B wants somebody, and then rhymes “so ill” with “don’t spill.”

677. “Still Homeless”: This song is probably the most rambling song I’ve heard so far, which is really saying something when you look at the discography of Lil B. He keeps saying he’s homeless, even though he’s got a home and he’s sleeping in a home. Maybe this is, like, a metaphor, man for the rap game. Or maybe Lil B just likes to sing songs from a homeless perspective.

678. “Street Dreams”: Lil B describes several dreams he’s had about the streets and its denizens. He refers to a girl as vegetarian because she only eats green and doesn’t eat meat, which is a good way to make a blow jay joke. Fairly slow paced song, kind of boring. Lil B’s phoning it in on this one, this is almost the same song as the one where he raps from the perspective of the physical streets.

679. “The Upsetter”: Ooh, cool “808’s and Heartbreak” style beat going on here. Lil B bares his heart and claims he’s trapped and afraid of the darkness that dwells within him, ala Lord of the Flies. This comparison is strengthened by his next admission, that he’s trapped in the hood, which he equivocates with darkness. Seems to be speaking into the void as if to shore fragments of himself against a self-prophesied ruin. One of the truest and most intriguing songs of the bunch.

680. “Time Has Come”: Lil B announces his arrival with great humbleness and aplomb. Well, he’s got aplomb if nothing else. He adopts a fake patois for like ten seconds, so thumbs up on this one.

681. “Time’s Blue”: This is an interesting song, Lil B notes that “we plan our whole life just to run through mazes,” a quote that I think also applies to Lil B’s post-modern style of rapping, in a slant rhyme sort of way. Lil B is messing with the constraints and parameters of rap, and proving that you don’t have to work lyrical content through a gangster persona, that persona’s are passé and tired, and that if sometimes things don’t have to be planned or worked out perfectly in order to succeed. I think, it’s really hard to pin this guy down on a solid philosophy.

682. “Tune B Jail Talk”: This song starts with a phone call with Tune B, who apparently is in jail, but is still “super zany.” He then starts free styling and Lil B hoots and giggles over top, with his voice echoing very oddly. This isn’t even a song, and is sort of an anticlimactic way to end this crazy review session. Tune B just offers wisdom for those who need some. Lil B calls him both wise and based, which is not contradictory at all.

This article was reported by freelance music critics for the Reese Felts Digital News Project at UNC’s School of Journalism and Mass Communication.